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Wow, Londoners Listen to Worse Music in Uber Taxis Than We Thought

Statistics so uninspiring, they don’t just fail to break the internet, they strengthen it.

by Joe Zadeh
17 August 2015, 12:46pm

You get in your taxi, the air con is delightfully breezy, your complimentary water awaits, and the guy above turns and asks: “Hey buddy! Do you want to play something off your Spotify?” Here you are, chauffeuring along to your destination like some sort of celebrity kingpin, an entire world of music at your fingertips to pass the time.

It’s been nine months since Uber launched their Spotify feature in the UK, and we’re still bowled over by the possibilities. Instead of hearing the vaguely racist grievances of other cab drivers calling in to LBC, you can play “Sometimes” by My Bloody Valentine and pretend you’re in Lost In Translation: you, a doe-eyed Scarlett Johansson, your driver, Bill Murray. Or “Night Call” by Kavinsky so you feel French and sexy, spread eagled across the back seat. Hell, you could even link it with Forgotify and play a song that has never ever been heard before. Imagine that, you and your Uber guy, making history together, on your £10 trip to Peckham.

To find out how people are making use of this land of infinite possibility, I got in touch with Uber and asked them to pull out some analytics of the most popular songs played in their cars in London. I hoped for a refreshing takedown of the charts, or at least some surprise classic tracks, millions choosing 4 Non Blondes to screech home on the way back from the pub.

Continues below.

In fact, the most played songs by London’s Uber passengers are the polar opposite of astonishing. It turns out most people are using the Uber Spotify app to listen to the exact same shit that would have been on the radio anyway.

I suppose we knew. Deep down we knew. After all, when we’re drunk at the very end of the night, all inhibitions, standards, and prudence go careering out the window don’t they? Model vegetarians by day can be seen screaming out like banshees for some doner kebab wrap with chilli sauce; the meek guy in the office is now taking a very public piss in a bus stop while cursing passers by, and you, you with your usually quite redeemable and acquired music taste, with your fully formed opinions on Arthur Russell, can be spotted getting into an Uber taxi with your mates, shouting: “LINK UP MY SPOTIFY, MATE, I’M GONNA STICK ‘UPTOWN FUNK’ ON!”

I even asked the lovely and helpful people at Uber—I should emphasize how lovely and helpful the people at Uber were, because they probably thought I was going to turn these results into something far more positive, something a bit more “Check Out The Banging Tunes You’re Rocking In Your Uber Saloon” but it really cannot be done—to split the analytics into regions of London, just in case there was some sort of humorous and witty reinforcement of long held regional stereotypes about how South London has gritty taste and West London doesn’t know grime classics from Grimebusters, but fat lot of good that did, because every one of you is listening to the exact same shit: We are ALL West London.

So, here’s your Uber Spotify charts, just incase you still care.

North London
"Lean On (ft. MØ & DJ Snake)" - Major Lazer
"Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Goulding
"Firestone" - Kygo
"Uptown Funk" - Mark Ronson
"Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix)" - OMI
"See You Again (ft. Charlie Puth)" - Wiz Khalifa
"Thinking Out Loud" - Ed Sheeran
"Where Are Ü Now (ft. Justin Bieber)" - Skrillex and Diplo
"Take Me to Church" - Hozier
"Elastic Heart" - Sia

South London
"Thinking Out Loud" - Ed Sheeran
"Firestone" - Kygo
"Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Goulding
"Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix)" - OMI
"Uptown Funk" - Mark Ronson
"Lean On (ft. MØ & DJ Snake)" - Major Lazer
"Take Me to Church" - Hozier
"King" - Years & Years
"See You Again (ft. Charlie Puth)" - Wiz Khalifa

East London
"King" - Years & Years
"Thinking Out Loud" - Ed Sheeran
"See You Again (ft. Charlie Puth)" - Wiz Khalifa
"Lean On (ft. MØ & DJ Snake)" - Major Lazer
"Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix)" - OMI
"Take Me to Church" - Hozier
"Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Goulding
"Firestone" - Kygo
"Uptown Funk" - Mark Ronson
"Trap Queen" - Fetty Wap

West London
"Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix)" - OMI
"Thinking Out Loud" - Ed Sheeran
"Firestone" - Kygo
"See You Again (ft. Charlie Puth)" - Wiz Khalifa
"Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Goulding K
"King" - Years & Years
"Lean On (ft. MØ & DJ Snake)" - Major Lazer
"Uptown Funk" - Mark Ronson
"Take Me to Church" - Hozier
"Where Are Ü Now (ft. Justin Bieber)" - Skrillex and Diplo

You can follow Joe Zadeh on Twitter.

Tagged:
Music
London
Features
Noisey
Wiz Khalifa
Justin Bieber
Ed Sheeran
Trap Queen
skrillex
Ellie Goulding
Years & Years
Chart Music
uptown funk
Where Are U Now
uber taxis
you and your complex tastes
Thinking Out Loud
diple