What is it about pegging? The power play and submission that comes with donning a strap-on in the bedroom, not to mention the prostate stimulation for cis men, makes it pretty damn hot for many. And yet, images of pegging in both porn and popular culture often portray the sexual act in a heteronormative light: a woman with a harness anally penetrating her boyfriend, a la Abbi and her neighbourly fling Jeremy in Broad City. This downplays pegging’s appeal across all kinds of kinks, bodies and sexual orientations. One of the beauties of pegging is that pretty much anyone can peg, or be pegged, or do both.
That being said, as with orgasms, fingering and vests, queer women do tend to know a thing or two about using a strap-on. Here, six queer women tell us about their first pegging experience and share tips for incorporating it into your sex life. As with any sexual act, communication and consent with your partner are key – and, of course, plenty of lube.
“If I was to rate pegging on a percentage scale, I’m sure it has taken over 75 percent of our sexual lives.”
I wasn’t always into pegging sex at all. My girlfriend and I were only into tribbing. The first time we wanted to try pegging, we made sure to watch a lot of porn to assure us that we would get it right. Following that, we ordered a strap-on. The next day, we had a mind-blowing sex. From there, it became our most practiced sexual play. If I was to rate pegging on a percentage scale, I’m sure it has taken over 75 percent of our sexual lives.
One piece of advice I would give is to approach pegging with a deep conversation. It’s the most important thing, I think. You need to share your wants with each other. If my girlfriend and I hadn’t talked first about trying out pegging, we wouldn’t have enjoyed it at all. But we sat down, agreed on the terms of everything and we are fine. Dana, 28.
“My advice is selecting the right tools.”
My first pegging experience was kind of a means to fix my relationship. My then-girlfriend was kind of sober and in her moment of sobriety, all she wanted was a dick. She started out with Tinder, searching for guys she could hook-up with behind my back. Then one day, she came home and asked if we could have a threesome with a guy. I wasn’t fine with it and we beefed, but to try and settle things, I let her know about pegging. Convincing her wasn’t that easy but she agreed. The sex was impressive and I guess it kind of healed my relationship.
My advice is selecting the right tools. The first time my girlfriend and I tried pegging, I purchased a dildo that she couldn’t take. Chloe, 37.
“It was both painful and pleasurable”
I didn’t know about pegging until I was 24 because I wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality, because of Nigeria being anti-LGBTQ. My first girlfriend had introduced it to me through porn and I had a craving for it. Because there are no sex shops in Nigeria, we combined our money and ordered a strap-on from Amazon. The first time she pegged me, I bit the pillow – it was both painful and pleasurable. The string of getting penetrated drove me crazy.
Pegging has some difficulties, but lubrication helps. Make lube your friend if you really want to enjoy sex! I recommend water-based lubricant. Asa, 26.
“I realised that I was giving my partner the whole orgasm she wanted.”
The first time I pegged someone was fucking crazy. In one moment, I thought I had a dick, and in another, I realised that I was giving my partner the whole orgasm she wanted.
Yes, the angle and sex position are relevant. Be cautious of that, take some online lessons on which sex positions won’t not be too hard and energetic for both you and your partner. Emily, 34.
“My first pegging experience was with a girl from my church”
My first pegging experience was with a girl from my church. We both used to sing in the choir and got to know each other closely. The first time she spoke about pegging to me, it made me a bit anxious. Because we didn’t have a strap-on, we tried out with a dildo and vibrator. It wasn’t that easy – there was some discomfort in the pleasure, especially when we tried anal. The initial pain was enormous, but relaxing my anal muscles properly was the way through.
Communication is very important during pegging. Both partners should speak about their feelings to each other. Ask questions like, “Are you feeling me?”, “Is it mutual?”, “Does that dick feel good?” Communication is the only way to have enjoyable, consensual sex. Paisley, 32.
This article originally appeared on VICE UK.