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Somebody Invented Bubble Wrap That Doesn’t Pop Because They Hate Fun

Sealed Air's new Bubble Wrap apparently answers the wants and needs of shipping companies, but what about our needs?

by River Donaghey
02 July 2015, 2:23pm

Photo via Flickr user Simon James

Photo via Flickr user Simon James

Read: White Plastic Chairs Are Taking Over the World

Wall Street Journal reports that Sealed Air, the company behind Bubble Wrap, has come up with an airless version because they are apparently tired of bringing joy to countless people, young and old, all over the world. Sealed Air first introduced Bubble Wrap in 1960, bringing together people from all religions, political affiliations, and sexual orientations for a bit of harmless plastic fun.

The new invention, strangely titled iBubble Wrap, is a shitty pop-less Bubble Wrap made up of interconnected air pockets that shipping companies can fill themselves using air pumps. iBubble Wrap is cheaper to make, cheaper to ship, and takes up 1/50th of the space of normal Bubble Wrap. The problem is that, instead of these fillable air pouches popping in a heavenly burst of sweet, sweet, ceratonin-unleashing pleasure, the bubble just deflates and lets the air move into a neighboring pocket, leaving you with terrible Bubble Wrap blue balls.

The lifeless plastic sheets are apparently the answer to many of the wants and needs of online shipping companies—but what about our needs, Sealed Air?