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Sex

Guys Tell Us What They Think About to Not Cum

"I just think about concrete. When you think about something neutral and non-sexual, it helps."

by Sam Nichols
22 January 2018, 12:42am

Image via shutterstock

Premature jizzing is common. In fact, here in Australia, untimely jizz affects 31 percent of biological males—which is a lot, really, and explains why many of us have a cooling-off strategy.

So what do guys think about when the sex gets too much and it's only been 12 seconds? Well, lots of stuff—as we discovered by asking dudes around Melbourne.

Lukey, 34
Runs a club and books bands

VICE: Hey Lukey, when you’re having sex and trying to calm down, what do you think about?
Lukey: Concrete. Thinking about concrete is one of these things I’ve always had. When you think about something neutral and non-sexual, it helps. So, I just think about concrete.

How effective is thinking about concrete?
It all really comes with experience more than anything. Being bisexual myself, when I started doing stuff with women at a young age, that was really prominent. But when I was older and started doing stuff with men, it was prominent as well but over time, it relaxed off a bit. Experience is the main thing. If I’m still thinking about concrete when I’m 50, then I’ll be devo.

So you don’t find concrete sexy.
No. Hell no.

Is there anything else natural that you think about if concrete isn’t working? Rocks? Trees?
Landscapes maybe? Like a really average landscape painting. I grew up in Port Macquarie so it was always seascape paintings. I remember going past the picture frames shop and it was just all beachscapes. Why the fuck would you paint a picture of the beach when you live by the beach?

Michael, 30
Works as a builder

Michael. When you’re having sex and you’re feeling like you’re about to cum too early, what do you do?
I just stop, hold it in inside, and tell them to stop moving.

Do you ever get uncomfortable asking your partner to stop moving?
My partner I’m with now is my wife so it’s fine. When you’re in a relationship with someone who’s either your wife or a long time partner, and you have that connection with someone, it’s easier to communicate.

What about the times you had sex before you were married?
In the past with say, a one night stand, I’ve lied. If I had a condom on and couldn’t stop myself I'd just cum. This one time in the past, I came really fast and then went “ahh we shouldn’t be doing this” and pretended I hadn't.

Did you have a thought process to calm yourself down?
Nah I didn’t. I’ve never really had any thoughts about my grandmother or something, because I don’t think that works.

Why do you think that?
It’s not that simple. You know the saying that you guys think with their penis? Well, sometimes your penis has a mind of its own. Even if you think of something, your penis can have a completely different thought. If you give your penis stimulation and sensation while you’re trying to have a thought, it doesn’t work because of the physical sensation.

Clay, 39
Works as a barber

Hey Clay, what do you do to calm yourself down?
It’s a communication thing for me and focussing on my partner’s needs. Other times it’s just simply slowing it down, doing something a little different or trying to change it up a bit to relax. Just taking it easy.

Okay so how do you communicate that to your partner? Do you say, “Woah slow down I’m about to cum”?
[Laughs] I’ll say “Let’s hold up a minute” or it can be communication in the sense of how our bodies connect. I’ll change the way we’re moving, or I’ll concentrate on her, rather than me. That way you can have a moment to have a breather.

So it’s really just mindfulness?
Yeah, I feel you should actually think more about what’s happening rather than less. When I think of needing a thought to calm down, it reminds me of, you know, American frat boys thinking of their grandmas naked, or some other ridiculous thing.

Is there a reason why you never needed a thought?
It just wasn’t something I really dealt with or needed when I was younger. Most of the sex I’ve had has been with a partner, or someone I’ve known so it’s been easier to have that communication. And the more sex you have with the same person, you know their body and how they react and what works so it’s comfortable.

Amre, 26
Studies English

When you’re having sex and trying not to cum, what do you do?
For me, I try to think about really bad things.

What kind of bad things are we talking about?
It can be anything that’s bad. One I think about for example is that I imagine that the girl I’m with is shitting.

You know, some people might be into that. You don't think poo is sexy?
I’m not too sure how I feel about it. I suppose, yeah, a girl shitting could be seen as sexy. But not to me. I mean, she's shitting!

Moudy, 25
Student/traveller

When you’re having sex, what calms you down?
For me, I try to think about bad experiences with girls. That makes me not want to cum.

What are those bad experiences?
One I tend to think about a lot is one time, when I was having sex and my condom broke. That was pretty bad. Another example is thinking about having sex with a girl who isn’t into it. That tends to make me not want to cum.

How effective are those thoughts in making you not cum?
Pretty good. Like, really good.

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