Are You Getting Any? I Bring My Dildo with Me on Dates

Hannah’s 'to-go bag' also includes lube and handcuffs.
18 October 2019, 10:10pm
Hannah by Sophie Davidson
All photos by Sophie Davidson.

Welcome to Are You Getting Any? A column that asks a generation rumoured not to fuck if they in fact fuck.

HANNAH, 23

Quality of sex overall: 5/10
Frequency of sex: 9/10
Intimacy levels: 7/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck: 9/10
How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex: 7/10

VICE: Hi Hannah! How would you sum up your sex life?
Hannah: Interesting.

What’s the most interesting thing about it?
I think I have unconventional sex, or my attitude towards it is more unconventional than other people’s.

What is your attitude towards sex?
I’m just very liberal with it. I have a lot of sex with my friends and it doesn’t interrupt or change our friendships. But other people don’t understand how it doesn’t. One of my friends – have known her for about six years – we sleep together from time to time and nothing really comes of it. It doesn’t bother either of us.

Portait of Hannah by Sophie Davidson

Hannah at home.

Are you friends with most of the people you sleep with?
No, it’s a mixture.

How do you meet the other people you sleep with?
Most of the sex I have happens when I’m in a monogamous relationship, but otherwise I’ll use Tinder.

Are you on Tinder right now?
Yeah and Hinge, too.

How do you find using dating apps?
It’s interesting. I feel like [Hinge] is better if you’re looking for more of a connection. The people seem to be OK on it. But Tinder is definitely for sex.

When was the last time you had sex?
I think two days ago.

Was that person from Tinder?
Yeah. I was trying to arrange a normal date but I was really busy with uni. She invited me over one night and it was 11PM. I was like, “No one invites someone over at 11 for anything else, so I guess that’s happening.” [_Laughs._]

Okay. So what do you think of the British Medical Journal research? Is social media to blame for us all shagging less?
I wouldn’t say it’s true for me, but it could definitely be true for people I know. I feel like with social media, a lot of people feel as though they have to look or portray themselves in a certain way. That could deter people from putting themselves out there. I also think that social media in general makes it difficult to find those connections in a weird sort of way.

What do you mean?
You can be speaking to someone for a week and then they ghost, which is completely fine, but I feel like it happens really often to a lot of people I know. So people don’t actually tend to meet up with that many people. With apps, you can just disappear. So I would say social media and the culture around dating apps has definitely made it harder for people.

Sorry. I can’t stop looking at this. Is this a dildo or just a decoration?
It is, yeah! It’s glass. I tried it once and I didn’t like it. So it’s just on my desk because it’s cute. It just wasn’t for me, it’s actually kind of sharp.

Photograph of Glass Dildo by Sophie Davidson

Hannah's glass dildo, now a decorative item.

So, you have other ones too?
So many. I use two different dildos; one is just for me and one is for other partners. It’s just better that way.

Do you use them every time you have sex?
For me, it’s always a thing. My style of sex incorporates penetration. Since I don’t have anything to work with [_laughs_], I will always bring something with me.

You’ll bring a dildo on a date with you?
Yeah, nine times out of ten, I’ll bring it. My to-go bag is just down there.

What else is in your to-go bag?
Obviously, there’s lube and, like, two vibrators. There are leather handcuffs in there, as well as a collar. It’s always packed.

Hannah by Sophie Davidson

Do you usually talk about the handcuffs and collars before bringing them along?
I always mention that I have them. Some people ask and think it’s interesting and then will leave it at that, which is totally fine, it doesn't bother me. Most people are into it. I thought they would be a bit more like, “Oh God!”

How did you find out that those were your kinks?
In my first relationship with a woman. It wasn’t too BDSM-y, if you get what I mean. In my second relationship with a woman, it turned into more exploration. That’s when I worked out what my kinks were and stuff.

What was the most important thing for you when you started dabbling in BDSM?
You need real communication with it, like you can’t just be like, “Oh just try it.” Some people aren’t OK with certain things that happen within it. They can’t differentiate between things from other things. Like, it can easily look abusive, and some people can’t understand or handle that. So it’s always good to have that conversation and understand people’s limits and stuff like that.

And generally, what’s the most important element when it comes to sex for you?
Being comfortable. I have body issues, I guess. I’m a curvier girl and being comfortable is the most important thing. I can easily get a bit irked in my skin.

How does that manifest itself in your sex life?
It’s always a thought. Do they know to what extent how fat I am? Do they know what I really look like? My body isn’t perfect. I have scars and stretch marks and I’m, like, I hope that’s OK!

Is there anything you would do to improve your sex life?
At this point in my life, I would really think about the types of people I have sex with. Even if its just a quick sex thing, it’s important to me that we at least have a little bit of a connection. Whether it's just friendship or liking each other in general. It’s really important that you make sure you share your energies with the right people.

Thanks Hannah!

@nanasbaah / @sophieedavidson

If you’re 18-30 years old and want to be featured in the Are You Getting Any? series, send an email to nana.baah@vice.com with the subject Are You Getting Any?

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.