A few months ago, as the regular season playoff picture began to take shape, I started betting on the NBA. Nothing spectacular, nothing that would send me into a spiral if I lost. Just three pounds a night, every night. (Online sports betting is legal in the UK—encouraged, actually.) I'd pick the winner in each of that night's games and parlay them into one ambitious wager. Some nights, when there were only four games taking place, I'd only get odds of about 8-1. Other nights, there'd be ten games, and I'd get much higher odds. March 9 was one such night. The relatively conservative 10-team accumulator I bet on promised to bring in £173 (about $200)—not enough to change my life, but certainly enough to have me wake up in the morning, check the results, feel some warm fuzzies, and make a really stupid purchase on eBay.
But the Houston Rockets lost to the Toronto Raptors. Or, more accurately, the Toronto Raptors beat the Houston Rockets. More accurately still, Drake gave a rousing half-time speech to the home crowd that night at the Air Canada Centre, and the Raptors won by three, 108-105.
Now, I don't want to seem bitter about this, but I am bitter about this. Drake picked March 9 to rally the troops in Toronto, and that cost me at least one pair of garish used sneakers and a Rihanna tour T-shirt I'd had my eye on. He could have picked any night! And with the Toronto Raptors' uncanny ability to capitulate in the playoffs, I'm left wondering why he didn't choose—oh, I don't know—a Conference Semi-Finals Game 1 matchup against LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Because last night, in precisely such a game, with the Raptors leading the Cavs at half-time—as they did for almost the entire game before wilting and succumbing to James in overtime—Drake decided to get snippy with Kendrick Perkins. Kendrick Perkins, a professional basketball player who is tall and strong, is much taller and stronger than Drake, who is not a professional basketball player. Drake, as far as I can tell, was trying to stick up for Raptors forward Serge Ibaka—an even taller professional basketball player. It was, in a sense, a way to get the crowd onside, to inspire pride and dedication, to carry the Raptors to victory through sheer force of will.
But Drake already knows how to do this! He did it on March 9! And it didn't involve squaring up to a man twice his size! It just involved some half-time words to some polite people in a crowd! He cost me my money then, and I had to spend like $90 on new sneakers yesterday! I could have used the cash!
So, yes, while Toronto reels from a devastating loss and America laughs at Toronto for once again screwing up when it matters most, I will just sit here stewing, thinking about that accumulator, and telling myself that a Raptors loss is merely comeuppance for that time Drake cost me $200.
Alex Robert Ross is bitter on Twitter.
This article originally appeared on Noisey US.