Space

The Darkness Maybe Predicted That News Story About Octopuses Being Aliens

How dare you tell me to "get a real job"???

by Lauren O'Neill
22 May 2018, 12:53am

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There are two options: either you have not slept all weekend, or you not have heard the truly terrifying news story about how octopuses might be aliens. If you are one of the lucky few, here is a summary: in a new report titled "Cause of Cambrian Explosion – Terrestrial or Cosmic?", scientists have claimed that octopus genes, which show "a staggering level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes more than is present in Homo sapiens," are not of this earth. The authors say:

One plausible explanation, in our view, is that the new genes are likely new extraterrestrial imports to Earth - most plausibly as an already coherent group of functioning genes within (say) cryopreserved and matrix protected fertilised Octopus eggs.

Thus the possibility that cryopreserved Squid and/or Octopus eggs, arrived in icy bolides several hundred million years ago should not be discounted as that would be a parsimonious cosmic explanation for the Octopus' sudden emergence on Earth circa 270 million years ago.


*Hits the motherfucking blunt*

You'll agree that this a messed up piece of information. Aliens live among us (this, at least, explains the all-powerful, all-knowing gifts of Paul the Octopus, RIP to a real one.) But what does this have to do with music, however? Two words my friends. The Darkness.

In 2003 The Darkness released a little song called "I Believe In a Thing Called Love," maybe you've heard of it. They also released a music video for this song. Please observe:

What we have here, is, yes, The Darkness playing their song on a spaceship. What we also have here is that spaceship being attacked by what? A space-dwelling octopus.

The Darkness predicted it. The Darkness predicted that octopi are actually IRL aliens before science even thought to check, and they tried to warn us. Wake up sheeple. As always, Noisey brings you the facts (not at all because we just wanted an excuse to post this fucked up news story about octopi that none of us can stop thinking about.) Thank you, and be vigilant.

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This article originally appeared on Noisey UK.