Brave: Pitbull Reveals He Enjoys Threesomes

Surprising to no one who has ever listened to Pitbull or fixated upon the landing strip on his chin, the singer/rapper and purveyor of "dale"s has come out as pro-threesomes in his new single "3 To Tango." However, the accompanying video, which arrived on Friday for those seeking their latest horny summer jam, included an M. Night Shyamalan-level plot twist where Pitbull has been… John Travolta the whole time! This raises the question: is the threesome supposed to be with John Travolta? If so, that's a no dale for me.

In the video we see a bald, besuited man perched like a king. Lingerie-clad women entice this Casanova by grazing a rose across his cheek or whispering what is probably something along the lines of "Yummy yummy mami horny" into his ear. They then perform a dance of temptation—a tango, no less, the horniest of all the horny dances! He watches, pleased. His face is hidden from the camera's lens but the BDE he emits is palpable nonetheless. He is Pitbull, we presume, because it is a Pitbull video and Pitbull is bald and wears suits and definitely likes threesomes, which is the premise of the song.

Then at minute 2:47, the man we thought was Mr. Worldwide is finally seduced into submission and compelled to partake in said tango-like threesome discussed in the song. But lo and behold, it is not Pitbull. He removes his aviator sunglasses, tosses them aside, and whips around to reveal he is actually Mr. Saturday Night Fever. Ahhhhhhhh! Travolta pulls out his hottest dance moves, and in a final flourish, looks into the camera and gives a hearty, accented "Dale!" in a manner that could only be compared to The Mask's aggressive "smokin'!"

I didn't sign up for this threesome. I went into this with clear indication that it would be me, a hot lady dancer, and Mr. 305 all performing a Mrs. 69 on a yacht in Miami. No one told me Scientology daddy would be there, and that this would likely be going down in some Sea Org speakeasy, and that I'd likely end up on a weird mailing list forever. No thanks, Pitbull Travolta. You almost had me.

Watch the video and attempt to unsee it yourself.

Alex Zaragoza is the senior culture writer at VICE and is weirdly into Pitbull. Follow her on Twitter.