Shapes Have Changed Their Recipe and Everyday Australians Are Holding on by a Thread

If you had asked me this morning whether or not Australians could form an emotional relationship with a biscuit, I would have said no. Absolutely not. We enjoy snack foods, sure, but would we cry for them? Pine for them? Beg for them? No. I don't think so.

The me of this morning couldn't have been more wrong. Hundreds of Australians are literally devastated today, as the biscuit they grew up with—the Arnott's Shape—has changed its seasoning recipe.

You know when you've eaten all of your Shapes you end up with piles of flavouring powder stuck at the bottom of the bag? So you eat that too, even though the intensity of it all is almost too much to handle? Yes, that stuff. That has changed. That seasoning is different.

Different how, you ask?

According to fans, it is now disgusting. Currently, the Shapes Facebook page is a sight to behold. "Definitely NOT a fan of the 'new' and 'improved' flavours," writes one commenter. "These new Shapes are DISGUSTING," another announces.

But hold on. There are two sides to every story: In this case, we have the story of devastated fans like Matt Riley, and the story of whoever is administrating the Shapes Facebook page—and they deserve to be heard too.

"For a while now, Shapes fans have been asking for a bigger flavour hit in our biscuits," they explain. But just sticking more of the old seasoning on was logistically impossible: it was falling off. So they came up with an ingenious solution—or at least, they thought it was. "We decided to bake the flavour right inside the Shapes where it couldn't escape, as well as adding a new flavour coating that stuck much better to the biscuit's surface." That's why Shapes taste different. Arnott's wants you all to know it was just trying to do right by its fans.

But the people of Australia couldn't agree less. They're accusing Shapes of using the new seasoning to cut costs, an accusation Arnott's vehemently deny. "We're definitely not cost cutting with the new flavours," the Shapes mystery Facebook admin fired back. "We've invested a lot in the development, trialling and testing of the new flavours, as well as new baking methods and equipment."

So the battle rages on. Unhappy comments continue to roll in, demanding the return of the original flavouring we all came to love.

Who would have thought Australians cared so much about a biscuit? Not me. And yet, when you think about it, everything begins to make sense. If we cannot trust the minutia of day-to-day life to provide some sense of routine, something we can rely on to remain the same—grounding us in an otherwise chaotic, utterly random world, where can we place our faith? In God? Perhaps. But what kind of God would allow this? I don't know.

I just don't know.

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