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The Stories Issue

Vice Fashion - Cabby Cuffers

People who get into taxis are usually drunk or high or running late and as such think it’s all about them. Keep in mind that the dude getting you to your destination has seen it all—more horrendous shit than you could likely imagine.

by Cameron Smith
01 August 2006, 12:00am


Photographer: Cameron Smith

People who get into taxis are usually drunk or high or running late and as such think it’s all about them. Keep in mind that the dude getting you to your destination has seen it all—more horrendous shit than you could likely imagine—and there’s a good chance his story is more interesting than yours so maybe try listening up next time.

Taxi driver 1 wears Insight jumper.


I first started driving cabs, right after I came to Australia. In my first week of being a cabbie I drove a passenger to a block of units in Dee Why, and waited while she went inside to get some cash. My fare had not returned after about 10 minutes and I was pretty worried. When she didn’t come out after half an hour I radio-ed into headquarters asking them to call an ambulance because my fare must have fallen over and been knocked out or something—that’s when I found out what a runner was.

Taxi driver 2 wears Insight t-shirt, Gravis beanie and Police watch.


A passenger once asked me if he could use my phone to make an urgent phone call. I obliged and he made a short call. We drove out to the western suburbs and he ran out of the cab without paying. I took my phone out and called the number he dialed and told them that the guy had left his wallet in my cab and that I’d be happy to return it to his house. About five minutes later I showed up at his house and got my money.



Taxi driver 3 wears Analog hoodie and Polaroid sunglasses.


I give trannies rides all the time—like usually one every night. It can be hard to tell. One time I dropped a girl off and she told me to have a good night with a voice that sounded like my brother’s. Two trannies got into my cab one night and when we got to the first one’s house, one tranny propositioned the other, to which she responded “No, I’d rather have sex with the driver!” She actually asked me if I wanted to do her while I drove her to her house! I declined and collected my fair.
 


Taxi driver 4 wears Huffer hoodie.


One night about 18 months ago someone did a runner on my cab. I was determined to get my fare so I got out and ran after him. I followed the runner into a park but lost sight of him. While I looked around, the bastard circled around me and went back to my cab, smashed the windows, and set it on fire. I saw my cab go up in smoke in front of my very own eyes.



Taxi driver 5 wears G-Star Raw Hoodie


One friday night I picked up three young passengers in Milson’s Point who wanted to be driven to the rocks. They were a few sheets to the wind and proceeded to roll down the windows and scream at everyone—cars and pedestrians alike. When I got onto George St, they decided to moon a large group of ladies waiting at a traffic light. There were two butts out the rear window and one out the front. Unfortunately for the boys, a police car was stopped behind us and they were not impressed by the display of spread cheeks and bollocks. Their sirens came on and the lads seriously jumped out of their skin. It was the funniest thing.



Taxi driver 6 wears Obey t-shirt and Dunlop shoes


I don’t care if people have sex in my cab—if there’s a mess it generally disappears fairly quickly. Drugs piss me off though. The no smoking sign applies to cigarettes, and pot, and ice.

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