Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
When I listen to him talk, I feel that the problem here is mainly external. "I'm afraid to tell my friends that we haven't had sex in a few weeks and that we're just not that interested in it. I've tried to tell them once or twice, and their response is always the same: They suggest we have a threesome, use toys, role play—as though not fucking were an illness."H isn't alienated from his own partner, but he's socially alienated. From what I understand, his boyfriend is understanding or might see it as a phase in their relationship. In that context, his problem isn't that serious—a relationship isn't based solely on the frequency of sex. But H feels guilty and feels the need to hide the reality of his sex life from his friends. He quickly overcame his anxieties, however, by focusing on the quality of his relationship.The absence of desire is one thing, and the absence of opportunity is another. A good third of my clientele are people forgotten by sex. Like R, who at 26 finds herself in a pretty closed social and professional environment, with a reduced social circle, and who, after having had too many disappointments with online dating, is tired and fed up. "During the rare evenings I do go out, if there is a guy I like, he's either gay or taken." Worse than that is her feeling of never being chosen or noticed, which makes her feel like a failure. Apart from the occasional one night stand at college, it's been four years since she slept with someone.Sexual rejection can give off a psychologically very violent message—like, "Your body doesn't deserve to be reproduced with."
Advertisement