Internet

We Asked People The Story Behind Their Embarrassing First Email Address

In retrospect, maybe hornylildevil13@hotmail.com wasn’t a good look.

by Manisha Krishnan
08 December 2017, 6:26am

Assets: Shutterstock. Art by Noel Ransome

Like most tweens, I was a serious poser. I thought owning a copy of Big Shiny Tunes and listening to Gob made me hardcore. It was in that context that I chose my first email address, at around the age of 12: sex_n_candy13@hotmail.com. Those of you who also grew up in a Big Shiny Tunes era will recognize this is a nod to the Marcy Playground song “Sex and Candy.” (The “13” is a reference to my birthday.) Truth be told, I didn’t even care about the band or that song but I thought it sounded cool. And I’m guessing a lot of people just thought I was a super horny kid.

That email is now defunct—like most hotmail addresses—but I searched my current gmail to see if anything had been carried over from my old address. The only exchange I could find was between my high school best friend and I, and the subject line was “cuntface.” That should give you an idea of the kind of garbage person I was back then.

I don’t think I ditched sex_n_candy13@hotmail.com until I quit my Canadian Tire job when I was 19 and started journalism school. Maybe those things are related. Anyway, I know for sure I’m not the only 90s kid who grew up with a humiliating email address. So I asked people to share the stories behind their first emails. Let’s bear this shame together:

Laura Lloyd
Email: sexycow51@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 10

I thought the words were funny together and 51 was the channel MuchMusic was on. Did not realize saying “sexy cow” would mean I was referring to myself as a sexy fatass. After sexycow51, I turned punk and went with artificial_flavoring@hotmail.com, spelled the US way because the Canadian way was taken. I thought it sounded punk. I read it off a Jello package and I was like “yeah that’s punk that’s what I am.” That was Jello I bought with the intent to use in my hair by the way, to make liberty spikes.

Drew Brown
Email: i_see_da_reaper@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 12

I was 12 and a huge fucking loser. Me and my friends were super into RPG Maker 2000 at the time, which basically was a relatively simple platform that would allow you to make really basic video games. I was also getting super into metal and stuff at the time, so all this combined in my pubescent brain to make me decide that I was going to start a video game company called, like 'Da Reaper Games' or some shit, so that's where I got the idea for the email, and I kept using it for like an embarrassingly long time, until I got to university, basically, and one of my friends (who probably pitied me) gave me a gmail invite.

Liv Carville
Email: hornylildevil13@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 13

Mum told me it was a bad idea, but it was written on my devil toy key ring and I thought it was cool.

Mallika Viegas
Email: save_the_drama_for_your_mama@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 13

It was because of a boy I stalked, whose email was its_all_about_the_benjamins_baby@hotmail.com. It felt like a good move.

Sara Mojtehedzadeh
Email: thecolourofparadise@yahoo.ca
Age at the time: 16

It was a reference to an obscure Iranian film but was subsequently mistaken for a porno.

Victoria Ptashnick
Email: magically_delicious_vic@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 9

Lucky Charms was my favourite cereal when I was 9. Didn't understand why everybody lol'ed when I told them the address.

Colin Wolfe
Email: playa_hata_69@yahoo.ca
Age at the time: 14

A friend set my email up for me. I had it on my resume at one point in very small font.

Ashley Csanady
Email: iama100percentcanadiangal@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 13

I was super into being Canadian, I guess, cause my background is just European mutt. I was a very basic 13-year-old.

Sasha Kalra
Email: black_label2002@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 13

I was a child who wanted to start a clothing line called Black Label. I was gonna be a fashion mogul.

Seb FoxAllen
Email: sixteentimeworldchampion@hotmail.com
Age at the time: I don't recall but def got it to use MSN so highschoolish?

Because of Ric Flair.

Rachel Browne
Email: bat_girl_546@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 10

I didn't even like comics or super heroes or anything, I just thought it was sexy and I was literally about 10. I used to make my MSN name Good Charlotte lyrics and also *~MaYbE It'S MaYBeLline*~.

Noel Ransome
Email: Lunetik4raps@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 13

This was during my www.blackplanet.com phase. I thought the name was black as hell, and showed that I was really into rap.

Colin G.
Email: kool_kolored_kids@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 11

I heard a rapper say it in a skate video and thought it sounded cool haha . (Editor’s note: Colin is white.) I was totally clueless though when I made it originally.

Vanmala Subramaniam
Email: aquavan@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 12

Mine's just that I was 12 and deeply uncreative, stuck in a Malaysian school system. So I combined “Aquarius” with “Vanmala.” Plus the “Barbie Girl” song came out when I was 12.

Sarah Berman
Email: practical_n_magical@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 13

So I had two elementary school friends who were very into wicca. I feel like all preteen girls go through this phase. [Author’s note: accurate.] Practical Magic wasn’t even the best witch movie—obviously in retrospect I would have preferred The Craft—but it was one that I felt reflected my 13-year-old self.

MacKenzie Thomson
Email: princess_duckie11@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 9

I used to “yep yep yep” all the time like Duckie from The Land Before Time. But I also wanted to add princess in there, because, you know. It was also my neopets username.

Tyler Morden
Email: sweetnsassychickypoo6969@hotmail.com
Age at the time: 12

I was sweet n sassy, obviously. My password was "1one2twotwelve.”

But not everyone I know has a cringe first email story. In fact, two of my editors, Josh Visser and Chris Bilton, used joshvisser@hotmail.com and chris.bilton@utoronto.ca as their first email addresses because they were old when email came out. I guess that comes with its own kind of shame.

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embarrassing email addresses