Canadian Mint Employee Convicted for Smuggling $138K Worth of Gold Using His Bum

Truly nothing gold can stay, not even in one's ass.

An Ottawa judge found Royal Canadian Mint employee Leston Lawrence guilty on Wednesday of theft and money laundering after it was discovered he was using the ol' gold-up-the-ass trick to smuggle $138,000 worth of gold nuggets out of the facility, the CBC reported.

The incident triggered an internal examination (editor's note: lol) of the Mint's security measures, or lack thereof, and it's exercises that ensure nothing slips through the back.

The jig was up when a bank teller noticed Lawrence had deposited several cheques in the $6,800 range between November 2014 and March 2015. In all, 18 nuggets were recovered, which, together with the cheques, totalled about $179,000 in stolen funds.

It was reported by investigators that Lawrence had a container of Vaseline in his locker—apparently not unusual for Royal Canadian Mint employees—and often set off the metal detectors stationed at the exits of the facility. It was only when he attempted to wire money to his family in Jamaica that he began to draw suspicion.

The Mint reported that it has since upgraded its security measures, including high definition cameras, improved tracking of precious metals, and "trend analysis technology," none of which stands a chance against the human tendency hide stuff in our asses.

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