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emerging writers festival

A VICE Guide to Melbourne’s Emerging Writers' Festival

Plus, win tickets to our favourite event on the bill.

Writers festivals are, by definition, weird. They feature a bunch of writers—people who are notoriously shy and awkward, or otherwise loud and insufferably pretentious—speaking in public to an audience comprised almost entirely of people who are… also writers. A potentially painful experience for anyone who doesn't care about books. But it's Christmas for people who do. A bunch of likeminded weirdos sharing a room can be a beautiful thing.

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Melbourne's Emerging Writers' Festival is the ultimate example of this phenomenon. It features not only writers, but new writers. People who haven't been beaten down by manuscript rejections and failed grant applications, they still have some love of the craft. Some sense of earnestness and ambition in spite of or even inspired by Australia's dreary and underfunded arts landscape.

If you consider yourself a word appreciator, EWF is worth the trip. This year VICE is partnering with the festival once more, and we're more than happy to advise you on which panels and workshops you definitely shouldn't miss.

Learn How to Become a World Famous Novelist or at Least Someone 'The Lifted Brow' Raves About

You, reader of this article, are a writer or wannabe writer. Don't even try and deny it. I see you. There's a word document on your computer containing the first draft of a novel. It's probably terrible, but that's okay. Have you seen the kind of shit that gets published these days? Don't know if you heard, but print is dead. You're in with a chance.

Kidding, kidding. Mostly kidding. You've probably written the next Monkey Grip, but that doesn't actually guarantee whichever editorial assistant is in charge of the slush pile will see it that way. Pitching a manuscript involves a lot of very specific know-how. See, you're selling not only your book but also yourself. You've got to persuade Harper Collins you're not just another sucker with a creative writing doctorate. You're different! And talented! And going to make them lots and lots of money! It's very hard.

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Realistically, the only way to get published is to get advice from someone who has done it all before. There are a bunch of those someones teaching EWF's Pitching in Publishing Masterclass on June 19. Apparently there are "networking drinks" afterwards—time to get that editorial assistant on side.

Sit Back and Listen to Australia's Young Blak Voices

Something you might notice about writers festivals is that they can be very white. Very white indeed. Ever sat through a painfully clueless panel discussion about literature and race chaired by a white academic who has no idea how to contend with the writers of colour they're meant to be interviewing? Same! It's the worst.

Anyway, I'm not here to subtweet. What's important to note is that the Blak Writer's Group is presenting Bogong Spoken Word on June 20. It features five incredible First Australian writers performing their work, including Nayuka Gorrie—who's writing has been published a few times right here on VICE. Also on the bill are Kat Clarke, Robbie Batzke, Hannah Donnelly, and Mauriel Spearim.

Acknowledge the Fact Women Are Amazing

As Virginia Woolf once said, a writer needs a room of her own. And why not fill that room with Amazing Babes? The event features some of our favourite female artists reading about the women who've inspired them. And the all-gal celebration of all things sisterhood is making its triumphant return to EWF this year, all thanks to i-D. You can even win yourself some tickets to Amazing Babes right here.

Hosted by Areej Nur and with tunes provided courtesy of Sovereign Trax, this one is set to be a party. Performing are Susie Anderson, Giselle Au-Nhien Nyugen, Paola Balla, Nayuka Gorrie, Somayra Ismailje, Sukhjit Kaur Khalsa, Jasmeet Sahi, and Yen-Rong Wong. They're all literally the best, and objectively more talented than any of the dudebro MFA types you'll see wandering about the festival.

Feel Way Better About Yourself

People say writing is a solitary pursuit, but they are wrong. There's a very competitive group mentality about the whole thing. Most writers are friends with other writers, and there are all these weird unspoken undercurrents of tension and resentment and jealousy. It's really horrible. Being a writer is horrible. I literally hate it so much, help me.

Anyway, while writing does usually entail feeling very bad about yourself and your abilities for almost all of the time, this Bad Writing panel promises some respite. You get to hear a bunch of objectively very good writers—including VICE's own Issy Beech—read aloud some of their most shameful, embarrassing work. Overwrought cliches, tautology, short stories that end with the character waking up from a terrible dream. We've all been there! And that sense of tragic solidarity is what EWF is all about.

Lucky for you, VICE and Emerging Writers' Festival are giving away tickets 'Amazing Babes' happening on June 19 at Bella Union. Try your luck here.