We Asked People to Describe the Drunkest They Ever Got in Six Words
Illustrations by Brandon Celi for VICE.

We Asked People to Describe the Drunkest They Ever Got in Six Words

"Tried to fight a fire hydrant."
19 June 2017, 12:40am

If you've ever woken up from a night of drinking with a dry mouth, a pounding headache, and no clue where you've been and who you've texted, we feel your pain. We asked friends and co-workers to recall the drunkest they've ever been in six words. Here's what they said:

"I sexted my dad by accident." - Paul, 32

"Awoke naked. Never drank Port again." - Peter, 22

"Lit Bible on fire on Christmas." - Alex, 26

"Barfed in backpack, got through security." - Lauren, 25

"Bought my dad a lap dance." - Drew, 21

"Friend inside Osaka brothel. Gutter nap." - Mike, 31

"Tried to fight a fire hydrant." - Andy, 31

"Left half hoagie between couch cushions." - Jonathan, 44

"Threw my phone in a puddle." - Jesse, 28

"Peed on a cop's car. Cried." - Joey, 34

"Threw a pizza at a car." - Emily, 24

"Projectile shat onto random girl's rug." - Luis, 30

"Tequila rebound sex. Screamed ex's name." - Lauren, 25

"Friend cut my hair off drunk." - Adrian, 32

"Considered emergency room for the hangover." - Ray, 31

"Peed and puked simultaneously on lawn." - Ariel, 27

"Fell off bunk bed naked, farted." - Alex, 38

"Projectile vomit. Slept outside Ohio motel." - Nick, 39

Illustration by Brandon Celi.

"Slept in a functioning refrigerator. Hours." - Steve, 29

"Played Batman Forever soundtrack on repeat." - Jaime, 32

"Pissed in a shoe closet. Twice." - Bim, 35

"Puked on my phone, breaking it." - Laura, 34

"Married someone I had just met." - Samantha, 26

"Licked girl's leg on dance floor." - Marco, 38

"Friends photographed me puking into bathtub." - Deena, 34

"Poop turned horrifying shade of green." - Teri, 32

"Slow danced to Metallica with cat." - Julie, 39

"Yakked off a balcony, killed plants." - Mike, 36

"Melted a fingernail stubbing out cigarette." - Ann, 58

"Spilled candle wax on my laptop." - Sonal, 34

"Fucked a popular Jackass cast member." - Jen, 32

"Fell through a glass coffee table." - Jack, 29

"Shaved off my eyebrows. It sucked." - Leslie, 32

"Crashed golf cart. Broke my arm." - Todd, 25

"Barfed into curtain while dancing onstage." - Liz, 32

"Called ex. Sobbed about dying alone." - Pete, 38

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