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I Reviewed the Shit Out of Taylor Swift's Boring New Monthly Playlist

She released a Spotify playlist featuring Kehlani, Lady Antebellum, Charli XCX, LANCO, and a Savage Garden cover—oh, and she's on it herself, twice.

by Lauren O'Neill
08 February 2018, 8:53pm

This article originally appeared on Noisey

There were moments on Taylor Swift's Reputation when it seemed as though what she wanted was to be relatable—you know, in spite of her repeatedly-alluded-to mega feud with two of the world's most famous people. On "Gorgeous," for example, she sang about stumbling home to her cats, and while her life in the public eye did take up room on the record, some tracks about her typical love-and-relationships subject matter did certainly crop up.

Relatable is a good look for Taylor Swift now more than ever—she's riding a wave of pretty bad public opinion, so reintroducing the world to Taylor The Person™ seems humanizing and sensible. To this end, she's released a Spotify playlist of the songs she's into right now (which will be updated monthly), complete with #authentic Spotify-branded artwork. Reader, I reviewed it.

"Mine" - Bazzi
OK let's go. This one says "fucking" within the first 20 seconds, because Taylor cusses just like you. Please.

"Rhythm of Your Heart" - Marianas Trench
I have a lot to say about Taylor Swift. Her ability to write a chorus does not fall into the negative camp. It's no surprise that she would enjoy this song, a veritable pop banger.

"Loving Is Easy" - Rex Orange County
We like Rex Orange County here at Noisey. This gets a pass.

"Heartbeat" - Haux
This is fine. The whole actual heartbeat sound effect thing is a bit much. Also did you know that Taylor is cool and likes minimalist R&B now? Because she fucking does. OK?

"Pick You Up" - LANCO
Is this Taylor Swift's personal fantasy distilled into song y/n?

"Win You Over" - LANCO
By comparison the rap-adjacent part of this song is my personal nightmare distilled into song.

"Tequila" - Dan and Shay
Sounds like something that a pair of 15 year old would declare "our song." Rhymes "tequila" with "see ya." Thumbs down.

"Belong" - Cash Cash, Dashboard Confessional
How the mighty have fallen from the heights of The Swiss Army Romance. For shame, Chris Carrabba, for shame, Taylor Swift.

"There Are Many Ways To Say I Love You" - Sylvan Esso I like Sylvan Esso but this really does sound like it was cut from Juno and/or a bank commercial.

"Truly Madly Deeply" - Yoke Lore
Savage Garden cover! Let's open this motherfucker up. FYI Taylor, however, the original is the best in this case.

"Don't Want You Back" - BØRNS
Bangs objectively. Taylor gets no cool props for enjoying this because it's impossible not to enjoy it.

"Unlock It" - Charli XCX ft. Kim Petras and Jay Park
See above.

"Your Favorite Song" - Eighty Ninety Skipped this based on the title sry.

"Taxi" - EXES
I do not think that this is very good but it could basically have been on Reputation.

"Cologne" - Haux
This sounds like a totally different artist than the Haux that featured on the playlist a while ago but I presume it is the same one. The singer now has that faux-folk Marcus Mumford accent (you know the one) and if I don't stop hearing it within 5 seconds I'm going to scream.

"Heart Break" - Lady Antebellum
Can't fuck with it tbh. Wine mom forever.

"Heaven" - Julia Michaels
Can't be objective because I fucking love Julia Michaels bitch!!!!!

"Always Be My Baby" - Anderson East T
his is a Mariah Carey cover and I would like to know who in sweet, burning hell Anderson East thinks he is.

"Delicate" - Taylor Swift
Not going to lie it's soooo baller to put yourself on your own playlist. I hate this song though lol.

"Good Life" - G-Eazy and Kehlani
Just wanna take a second to say how beautiful Kehlani's voice is and how embarrassing G Eazy is.

"Honey" - Kehlani
I reviewed this at the time of its release and I still think it's lovely. Also there is no G-Eazy. Better choice Taylor.

"All the Stars" - Kendrick Lamar and SZA
Who doesn't like this song though. Taylor likes hip-hop, just a reminder, thanks.

"Big Ole Boss" - DeJ Loaf
It's not surprising that the synths on this track would be attractive to Taylor, who used similar sounds on Reputation, but DeJ Loaf sounds a lot cooler on them.

"No Fear" - DeJ Loaf
Fun and funky! Yes I am your cool aunt SO WHAT.

"Don't Let Me Down" - Joy Williams
Has this been on Grey's Anatomy? Because it should be on Grey's Anatomy.

"She's Casual" - The Hunna
This is like The 1975 but not good. The 1974. Haha.

"Her" - Majid Jordan
TAYLOR SWIFT LIKES CONTEMPORARY R&B OH MY GOD PLEASE RESPECT THIS.

"Real Friends" - Camila Cabello
Probably Camila's most Taylor-esque song so this makes sense.

"One I Want" - Majid Jordan ft. PARTYNEXTDOOR
For some reason I imagine that Taylor Swift cooks to this song. That's just the vibe I get idk.

"While We're Young" - Jhené Aiko
This is a pretty song and Jhené Aiko has a pretty voice and that's what I wanna say about it!!!!!!

"End Game" - Taylor Swift ft. Future and Ed Sheeran
Tbh this is still a pretty funny joke.

"Honey Hold Me" - Morningsiders
Honestly this just sounds like Sheeran with a banjo urgh.

"Replica" - Bootstraps
This is extremely boring.

"Love Together" - Holly Arrowsmith
So is this but kind of in a nice way.

"Come Home Safe" - Trent Dabbs
I'm British so I still can't believe people are actually called things like Trent Dabbs.

"Back to My Ways" - John Vincent III
Ah I see we are at the sad-man-with-a-guitar portion of the playlist. Obviously I like this and am even more irritated by myself than usual.

"Mr. No Good" - Bombargo
Bombargo sounds like a viral dance craze.

"Harvest Moon" - Handsome Ghost
Sad-man-with-a-guitar hour still going strong. This would be described by music writers discussing it as "rousing" and thus I hate it.

Berenstein - The Band CAMINO
The Song ANNOYING

"More I See" - S. Carey
I do not have high hopes for this playlist, which has devolved into full MOM'S CAR MIX CD DO NOT MOVE FROM CAR, ending well.

"All on Me" - Dewin Dawson
Yeah I was right.

"Asking For a Friend" - Dewin Dawson
Jesus Christ I am so happy it's over.

This playlist definitely seems designed for people who are disappointed that Taylor Swift has "left her country roots behind," in order to reassure them that she still likes country, a lot. It's cool that she's into R&B singers like Kehlani and Jhené Aiko but in all it's unfortunately not very scintillating stuff, and feels more #relatable to parents than teens, if that was what she was going for. However, please for the love of god can you get it into your head that Taylor Swift likes R&B now OK? OK. Who's excited for next month's playlist?! ...You guys?

Follow Lauren on Twitter.

This article originally appeared on VICE ID.