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Australians Enjoyed Banging to the Star Wars Cantina Band More Than Anything Else Last Year

Because nothing is sexier than music for alien bar fights.

by Phil Witmer
15 February 2017, 9:45pm

A long time ago, in a subcontinent far, far away, people were boning. This happens everywhere, but Australia has decided to do these things better than anyone. This is because, according to the country's Spotify charts, the number one song for having sex to is none other than the Cantina Band music from the first Star Wars movie. As Gizmodo reports, the goofy fake-jazz ditty by the plastic-headed aliens beat out unimpeachable classics like "Birthday Sex," "Pony," and our #2 song of 2016, "Sex with Me." What. A. Time. While the song was written IRL by the scoring god John Williams, the name of the cantina band in-universe is Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes. They play "jizz" music and they have a hell of a fictional story.

Via Wookieepedia: "D'an was extremely demanding. He was highly critical of every performance and criticized the band heavily if they were to miss even a single note." They also once broke a contract set out by Jabba the Hutt by performing for a rival gangster, at which point D'an blew all the credits gambling. The Modal Nodes barely escaped Tatooine with their lives. Honestly, for their music to be successful in this galaxy is inspiring enough, but to be regarded as the best music for engaging in a bit of the ol' "Super Star Destroyer Executor colliding with the second Death Star" is mighty. Here's a terrible trap remix of the Modal Nodes, masters of eroticism who we truly don't deserve.

Phil still regards the EU as canon, dammit. He's on Twitter.

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