It all started when I was 18. Completely unaware of the stereotypes and controversies of being the white dreadlock guy, I decided to give dreads a shot. I was no Rasta, I just thought dreadlocks looked awesome and respected the attitudes and lifestyles of people who had them. So, after a few months of growing my hair I went to a barber in Nepal where it took four guys with little to no experience eight hours to dread my hair. These were easily the most painful eight hours of my life.
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Walking back to my hotel that night, I noticed the way people treated me had already changed. When you're a foreigner in Nepal every second person on the street offers you pot: "Scuse me sir, want smoke?" When you have dreadlocks, every single person offers you pot.I spent the next four years with dreadlocks and slowly got so used to the way people treated me that I thought it was normal. Yet after cutting them off last year, I quickly realised that I was living in a different world to everyone else. Here's what changes when you have dreads.Chicks flirt with you because they want to tick a dreadlock dude off their list
"I love your hair, it's so cool!" The first few times this happens you'll feel like the man, yet the thing is you'll still have to actually talk to this person for at least a few minutes—minimum—if you want to hook up with them. Not worth it. The attention is nice, but getting hit on just because you're some sort of cheap exotic trophy gets repulsive pretty quick.You're automatically part of the white dreadlock dude secret society
Whenever some other white dreadlock guy walks past he'll give you a cheeky eyebrow raise and a nod. It's as if you are in some sort of secret club, but what the fuck, you never signed up, and it is cringy as hell. People will ask, "How do you know that guy?"—you don't, you just have the same hairstyle and apparently that makes you bros.
"I love your hair, it's so cool!" The first few times this happens you'll feel like the man, yet the thing is you'll still have to actually talk to this person for at least a few minutes—minimum—if you want to hook up with them. Not worth it. The attention is nice, but getting hit on just because you're some sort of cheap exotic trophy gets repulsive pretty quick.You're automatically part of the white dreadlock dude secret society
Whenever some other white dreadlock guy walks past he'll give you a cheeky eyebrow raise and a nod. It's as if you are in some sort of secret club, but what the fuck, you never signed up, and it is cringy as hell. People will ask, "How do you know that guy?"—you don't, you just have the same hairstyle and apparently that makes you bros.
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Your dreads will break down social barriers
This is the only thing I truly miss about dreadlocks. The types of people your mum is scared of will be super friendly and welcoming to you. Dreadlocks give you an image of being chilled out and non-judgemental, and because of that you'll get to know a whole lot of people you otherwise wouldn't have. People are super open about their lives from the get go, opening-up about their life problems and dirty habits. I'd meet someone for 10 minutes and they'd already be telling me about their meth problem. I never would have realised how rough so many New Zealanders have it if I didn't have dreads.You get offered sessions all the time
It always happens when you least expect it: you can be buying groceries, on your way to present a university project, or hiking through the bush. People say it's a trophy to smoke out someone with dreads, so bite the bullet and better society with your service.Normies will think you're some sort of creative/spiritual genius
Everyone expects you to be a creative genius and whatever you do gets judged with an assumed level of hidden expression and creativity. I'm objectively terrible at drawing yet I've had a bunch of people go on about how deep and creative my doodles of stolen ideas were.You're basically a slave to your hair
The time spent on constant dread rolling and crochet needle repairs seriously adds up. There is a fine line between dreadlocks as a hairstyle and dreadlocks as the result of neglect. If you think your teenage sister spends too much time on her hair, you are about to be mightily surprised.Everyone wants to sell you weed
Yes, this is basically a superpower. A quick stroll through the middle of town will most likely result in an offer. No undercover cop is that invested in his image. When your friends are dry, they'll ask you to score for them if you're going out.Absolutely everyone assumes you sell weed
People will assume you have a plentiful supply of drugs on you at all times. Can you blame them, though? If you're going to ask someone for drugs, then it's safe to ask the dread dude first (see above). I found this funniest when going through my periodic straight-edge phases—so sober I hadn't even had a coffee in months. Oh, and if you need weed in NZ just head to the local skatepark: it's just as dependable as your neighbourhood Rasta. You're instantly pigeonholed as an ultra-liberal
Any political view you have will be labelled as stupid liberal idealism. Hippies will assume you agree with everything they say, including that we need more healing crystals in hospitals but it will never happen because the Illuminati wants us to die young to keep the population down. Non-liberals will assume your political knowledge is limited to that one time you got stoned and watched Zeitgeist. No matter how well you argue a point, they'll categorise your ideas as nothing but the inebriated idealism of someone who owns too much tie dye. If you care about your ideas being judged based on their scientific accuracy and social merit you'll eventually get sick of this—this is when you'll cut your dreads off and get the same Macklemore haircut that every guy has had for basically the last decade.
This is the only thing I truly miss about dreadlocks. The types of people your mum is scared of will be super friendly and welcoming to you. Dreadlocks give you an image of being chilled out and non-judgemental, and because of that you'll get to know a whole lot of people you otherwise wouldn't have. People are super open about their lives from the get go, opening-up about their life problems and dirty habits. I'd meet someone for 10 minutes and they'd already be telling me about their meth problem. I never would have realised how rough so many New Zealanders have it if I didn't have dreads.You get offered sessions all the time
It always happens when you least expect it: you can be buying groceries, on your way to present a university project, or hiking through the bush. People say it's a trophy to smoke out someone with dreads, so bite the bullet and better society with your service.Normies will think you're some sort of creative/spiritual genius
Everyone expects you to be a creative genius and whatever you do gets judged with an assumed level of hidden expression and creativity. I'm objectively terrible at drawing yet I've had a bunch of people go on about how deep and creative my doodles of stolen ideas were.You're basically a slave to your hair
The time spent on constant dread rolling and crochet needle repairs seriously adds up. There is a fine line between dreadlocks as a hairstyle and dreadlocks as the result of neglect. If you think your teenage sister spends too much time on her hair, you are about to be mightily surprised.Everyone wants to sell you weed
Yes, this is basically a superpower. A quick stroll through the middle of town will most likely result in an offer. No undercover cop is that invested in his image. When your friends are dry, they'll ask you to score for them if you're going out.Absolutely everyone assumes you sell weed
People will assume you have a plentiful supply of drugs on you at all times. Can you blame them, though? If you're going to ask someone for drugs, then it's safe to ask the dread dude first (see above). I found this funniest when going through my periodic straight-edge phases—so sober I hadn't even had a coffee in months. Oh, and if you need weed in NZ just head to the local skatepark: it's just as dependable as your neighbourhood Rasta. You're instantly pigeonholed as an ultra-liberal
Any political view you have will be labelled as stupid liberal idealism. Hippies will assume you agree with everything they say, including that we need more healing crystals in hospitals but it will never happen because the Illuminati wants us to die young to keep the population down. Non-liberals will assume your political knowledge is limited to that one time you got stoned and watched Zeitgeist. No matter how well you argue a point, they'll categorise your ideas as nothing but the inebriated idealism of someone who owns too much tie dye. If you care about your ideas being judged based on their scientific accuracy and social merit you'll eventually get sick of this—this is when you'll cut your dreads off and get the same Macklemore haircut that every guy has had for basically the last decade.