Can Australia's Boomers Finally Win an Elusive Olympic Medal?

It's a leap year, which means it's Olympics time. 2016 sees the first time the Games will venture down to South America and while it's too early to tell if Rio will be an unprecedented disaster or just one more victim to the traditional pre-Olympiad fear-mongering about the suitability of a non-European host, we can start looking at who'll be cramming themselves into those weird toothpaste commercial/third rate private school uniforms and representing Australia on the global stage.

The Boomers, because like every other Australian national men's sports team, it has to be somehow incorporate a reference to kangaroos. Unfortunately for basketball, the only international team sport where jumping is a fundamental element of the game, by the time they got to the party all the good 'roo names were taken.

Just outside the Top 10 at 11th.

The 90s Seattle Supersonics.

Physical, annoying point guard some players consider dirty? Check. (The purist in me might be offended by comparing Gary Payton to Matthew Dellavedova but they both rode the bench to a ring, and we all know that ringz = player worth, ergo, Payton (1) = Delly (1). Since Skip Bayless left First Take, we've had to pick up the hot take slack around here.)

The comparison is strictly cheek based.

6'10 white dude with solid 3 point range and even solider cheek bones? Check. (Detlef Schrempf > Brock Motum. That's not a take, that's just obvious.)

Green and gold colour scheme? Check.

Coached by a silver haired former guard? Check.

Consistently entertaining and competitive but never actually won anything? Sadly, check.

I'm serious about the last part: the Boomers hold the record for most men's basketball Olympic appearances without actually winning a medal. Part of that comes down to the fact that international governing body FIBA has persisted with having an 'Oceania' regional championship for Olympic qualification since 1971, which grouped Australia with Pacific island nations like American Samoa and Tahiti.

If you're thinking 'Hey, having a regional tournament gives the minnows a better chance of qualification and upholds the ideals of Olympic competition, it's kind of noble really,' I would agree. Except that since 1999, only three teams have participated in the Oceania Championship, and since 2001, it's literally been an Australia vs New Zealand series. They can't even be bothered playing best of three anymore; the last two tournaments they've used a two game, aggregate score wins format.

Astute readers will also realise that as an Olympic host, Australia automatically qualified for the 2000 Sydney Games, so they didn't bother doing the tournament that year. And that's how Guam won their only Oceania Championship medal by literally just showing up and getting demolished by New Zealand 125-43. The Guam Basketball Federation continue to pay homage to that heroic team to this day by not updating their logo or website since 1999.

Ease of qualification aside, Australia has repeatedly outperformed their FIBA ranking, thrice making the semi finals and just missing out on a podium finish in 4th place. With 96 total Olympic games played, the Boomers are exactly a 0.500 team at 48-48, so no one can say they haven't been consistent.

Australia's last real international tournament (sorry NZ) was the 2014 FIBA World Cup, where Australia started out with a loss to a pretty good Slovenian team, then won three in a row against South Korea, Lithuania, and Mexico, only to suspiciously lose to lowly Angola in the last group match despite leading by 15 during the third quarter. (Check out the Angolan player in that link: You'll struggle to find a better combination of triumph and 'dafuq?' in a single facial expression.)

It was suspicious because by losing that game, Australia finished third in their group and would avoid the United States in the semis should they make it that far. NBA point guard and frequent basketball-induced head trauma recipient Goran Dragic was not happy about the result and gave the Boomers a spray on Twitter calling for FIBA to investigate.

— Shane Heal (@ShaneHeal)September 4, 2014

And investigate they did, eventually clearing the Boomers months later of tanking after months of denial from Basketball Australia and Coach Andrej Lemanis. Karma's a bitch though, because if it was an intentional tank job, it backfired spectacularly when the Boomers lost their quarter final match against Turkey 65-64. Fun fact: Australia's last head coach was Brett Brown, who is best known outside of Australia as the man in charge of the tankeriffic Philadelphia 76ers under Sam Hinkie and #theprocess (RIP).

This monstrosity from Powerade.

Why does Andrew Bogut look like he's staring in the worst Ghostbusters reboot/Breaking Bad crossover of all time? Or is this an active effort to make him look like Powerade's largest consumer base: hungover white dudes at the servo looking to construct their next bong.

Despite the absence of NBA lottery picks Ben Simmons and Dante Exum, this is a pretty accomplished group: two NBL champions, title winners from the French and Lithuanian domestic leagues and members of the last three NBA champions, as the secret to winning a ring in the NBA recently has been to have an Australian on your team. If everyone was healthy, I'd say Andrew Bogut is still our best player – he's an excellent rim protector and passer, and offensively while he's lost some of his athleticism and ability due to age and a series of freak injuries, he's still an excellent finisher at the rim, finishing the 2016 NBA season with career best effective field goal and true shooting percentages.

Unfortunately, while he's been included in the squad, it's not known if he'll be healthy enough to actually play – teams have until August 5th to replace an injured player, and Aleks Maric is said to be training with the team on stand by if necessary. In his absence I would nominate Patty Mills, who is the heir apparent to Tony Parker in San Antonio and played more this season than ever before. The Spurs play a particularly European flavour of basketball that translates well to FIBA competition and while he's undersized for a point guard, his experience and playmaking ability will be a valuable asset. He also has serious three point range which will be valuable in opening up the lane for the bigs. Plus, he's done well in previous Olympics against the US which always boosts your credibility as a legit player.

One of my favourite deep cut League Pass players to watch this season was Aron Baynes, whose 3 year, $20 million contract raised eyebrows amongst NBA circles (from no less than Zach Lowe) when it was signed in 2015. All of which looks hilariously quaint after the insanity of the 2016 'Let's give Timofey Mozgov and Luol Deng $136 million' Free Agency market. Baynes is still somewhat obscure – he's probably still best known for being told to "shut the fuck up" by Tim Duncan as he carried his wasted ass out of a night club to a team bus during end of season partying – but Pistons Coach/GM Stan Van Gundy knows how to get the most out of his centers and has been transforming his game as Andre Drummond's understudy.

At 115kg, he is built like the proverbial brick shithouse and sets some of the hardest screens in the league, which he maximises by being a serviceable roller to the rim and shooting a tidy 40% between 3 feet and the 3 point line. He also has one of the highest free throw percentages in the league, which justifies the price paid as Drummond's back up alone, so he's a scoring threat anywhere inside the arc. He absolutely destroyed the PAC-12 All-Star team in an Olympic warm up in Melbourne, which is not that impressive when you remember 19 year old kids tend to struggle against NBA centers, but it shows how much of an offensive weapon he can be for this team, especially if Bogut is out.

Men's Olympic Basketball is split into two groups of six, with a round robin tournament and the top four from each group progressing to the quarter finals. Australia is in Group A and will face (chronologically) France, Serbia, the United States, China, and Venezuela. None of those teams should be considered easy beats, especially 2015 FIBA Americas Champions Venezuela, and if the Boomers stumble early those last two fixtures become must win games to advance. Victory against a stacked France and a less stacked than usual but still dominant US would be an upset so the first game against Serbia will be important.

It's going to be a tough group but this roster has the experience and the talent to finish at least fourth in the group. If they do make it through though, Group B is wide open with roster issues and recent poor performances by potential top seeds Spain, Argentina and hosts Brazil. Lithuania and Croatia are always a chance as well so, in the words of fellow Australian Leigh Ellis, anything COULD still happen. Funnily enough, once again finishing outside the top two would ensure we wouldn't meet the US until the gold medal game, assuming neither team is eliminated, but I would say reaching the semis and getting another crack at a medal would be a pretty good achievement for this side.

Wade is a writer living in Perth. Follow him on Twitter.