We Need to Talk About the ABC's 'Real Millennials of Melbourne'

On Wednesday, the ABC debuted what appears to be a new series called Real Millennials of Melbourne . The first instalment: a profile of young Instagram influencer Steph Claire Smith. With 1.1 million followers, the 23-year-old somehow manages to make a living off the internet, which no one has ever done before (unless you count Mark Zuckerberg, Sergey Brin, or Larry Page, and you definitely should not). There are so many things going on here: How are Instagram celebrities news? Who would suggest that "millennials of Melbourne" could be represented by a 23-year-old who can afford a house? Kat Gillespie is a staff writer at VICE, Maddison Connaughton is an editor at VICE. They both probably could've done something better with their day, but neither of them could stop thinking about this article. So they decided to talk it out:

Maddison Connaughton: Kat, have you seen this article? At first, I thought it was a joke but, apparently, it's real.
Kat Gillespie: I've obviously seen it because I will click literally anything with the word "millennial" in the headline. I have a taste for pain.
MC: Feel that. I guess, basically, it's a profile of this Instagram famous girl from Melbourne, Steph Claire Smith. And straight up I don't want it to seem like I'm roasting Steph—I actually think she's clocked life, she seems to have her shit together. She's bought a "townhouse in Melbourne's inner eastern suburbs" at 23! But there's something about this article that just makes me cringe.
KG: Don't forget that, most crucially, she's "in lurve." That part reads a bit like a Dolly profile, which is fascinating. But yeah, this isn't about Steph. This is about this piece of writing, you know, existing.
MC: There are so many triggering words in this piece: millennial, influencer, e-cookbook, Alicia Silverstone…
KG: Brunch. "Brunching"—urgh. It sounds so much worse in the continuous tense, doesn't it?
MC: Is brunching a gerund?
KG: Gerunds?? On MY ABC?

MC: I want to try and unpack what, specifically, it is about this article that feels so weird. I wonder if it's that whole "traditional media commenting on millennials" thing—I remember there being something in the New York Times where the lede image was literally a man holding a MacBook, riding a hoverboard. That Tinder article in Vanity Fair too.
KG: This piece is written in this amusingly clinical way. Like putting the word "influencer" in scare quotes—why? It's like they assume millennials don't read the ABC, which is patently untrue. Or maybe… they think this is the kind of content that millennials like to read?
MC: I think we all know that millennials don't read anything, unless it's a meme. If you want to talk to millennials you're going to have to set up a Snapchat account, or score an interview on Fresh Air.**
KG: Set up a Bebo account. Get on Friendster. An aside—I detect a subtle reference to the infamous Margot Robbie Vanity Fair profile in the opening sentence, which I'm a bit on board with. 
MC: Yeah I see that: "The model has a down-to-earth Australian charm — don't say girl-next-door — and an effortless beauty…" Did Rich Cohen write this article?
KG: The whole thing is written very reluctantly, I think. A bit of a desperate "I went to journalism school for this?" tone. So apparently the ABC finally got down from its high horse and joined the content wars with this piece. Are they doing baby boomer outrage clickbait, now? This interview seems designed to make the reader hate its subject and, by extension, all millennials, I guess.

MC: I, for one, do not hate Steph Claire Smith after reading this. Even though I have a deep distrust of anyone with three names. She seems pretty nice. "Whether you're a follower coming up and saying hi or you're my best friend, you're gonna get a smile and a hello. I don't think I'm any bigger or better"—she's grounded, you know. My one criticism, a critique if you will, would be the bun.
KG: I agree. Would be friends with Steph. Would absolutely eat some avo toast with Steph on a Saturday morning. But the bun. Oh my god. The bun. What is this photo? 
MC: For those without enough data on their phones to click through to the photo (me) it's literally just a close up photo of a bun with, like, a bit of hair poking out of it. I'm not a hairdresser but I don't think this is a good bun?
KG: No evidence of a bun enhancer. None. Could have benefited from a bun enhancer, just my opinion.
MC: The little weird doughnut thing people used to make buns with? Oh yeah, bring them back. So smooth.
KG: The caption, also. "Steph's golden locks are twisted into a knot for a cafe date on a hot day." So awkward. It's just hair! Okay? It's just hair.
MC: Awkward would also be the subheading "Love" followed by a close up photo of Steph doing up her jeans. Why? I feel bad for Steph, she deserves better.

KG: Steph is an entrepreneur. She bought a house with money she made on Instagram. A house. In Melbourne's property market. I want to know more about that, not about how she wants to maybe have kids with her boyfriend. Come on.
MC: I think you've just hit on the crux of this. And it's not just this article—it's the media's obsession with millennials generally. Most of the time we're labelled lazy, entitled brats. And even if you're successful, it's like you've practiced some kind of witchcraft: "20-Something Makes Money, on the… Internet??"
KG: Exactly. Like her money isn't good enough, because she was given it by a fake tan company.
MC: Imagine how many brunches she could buy with all that fake tan money. Or turmeric lattes? Deconstructed coffees, even. Final thought though, I'm very excited to see who fills out the rest of cast of the Real Millennials of Melbourne.
KG: Yeah, the title of this article definitely implies it might be an ongoing series. You know what? I nominate us. ABC, if you're listening, I have 451 Instagram followers and I can use a bun enhancer, kind of.
MC: Could I also nominate the guy who I overheard (at the Carhartt store nonetheless) saying, "Lagos is the new Berlin." And, of course, a nom for myself: one time I tweeted about how much I love sparkling water and the next day a SodaStream arrived at the VICE office. If that doesn't make me a SOCIAL MEDIA "INFLUENCER" I don't know what will.

Follow Kat on Instagram , don't follow Maddison on Instagram

**Terry Gross interviewing Steph Claire Smith on Fresh Air would actually be amazing content. One hundred percent, would listen.