cristiano ronaldo

Watch Cristiano Ronaldo Drive his Speedy New Car like a Senior Citizen

Ronaldo got a new, shiny toy.

by Leander Schaerlaeckens
18 August 2016, 10:45pm

If you ask Cristiano Ronaldo, the news cycle had probably been a tad too Cristiano Ronaldo-free lately.

Since he won Euro 2016 with Portugal on July 10, all we'd heard about him was a series of status reports on the knee injury that pulled him out of that final early. That is, other than the UFC's resident loon Connor McGregor for some reason declaring that he'd "slap the head off" Ronaldo. Even though the two are apparently also friends – or at least superstar orbit acquaintances.

How boring.

So Ronaldo posted a video on his Instagram of him rolling through the front gate of his estate-ish house in Madrid in a Bugatti Veyron.

The Veyron is a much-loved supercar that sells at upwards of $2 million. Typically, no more than 50 of them sell globally in a single year. Bugatti's various models are the fastest street-legal cars in the world. The Veyron tops out at a shade under 270mph.

But let's not get distracted by the superness of his car and focus on Ronaldo doing Ronaldo Things. Because the whole video, as ever, was hilariously heavy-handed.

The camerawork is shoddy. Whoever is holding the phone—presumably it's a phone—gives the viewer a vertigo-inducing wobble to start with. And then the car starts, suggesting the whole thing was staged and Ronaldo was waiting for the clip to begin. As such, he was probably not "coming back home" from wherever he'd been, as the caption reads.

The lights flash and skitter in some way only multi-million dollar cars apparently can. He takes a wide, dramatic turn towards the camera, set up in some kind of entrance, stops, cocks his head, and says something that we can assume is in Portuguese. Or maybe Spanish.

Then he drives off, past one of those big artsy garden heads, with a big grin on his face.

His spoiler is up the entire time, even though he never cracks 5mph.

And now we are talking about Ronaldo. Objective achieved.