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Music

RIP Down Under: Port Macquarie’s Infamous Night Club Is Closing

“AC/DC wasn't allowed to be played because it 'incited violence'.

Images: Down Under Facebook page

After 40-years operating at the centre of Port Macquarie’s club scene, the Down Under Club is closing.

We should perhaps clarify 'centre’ and ‘club scene’, in this instance to mean, one of only a few places available in town where, after the pubs closed, you could purchase a ‘goon sunrise’, listen to DMX at high volume, and drunkenly pash someone on a dancefloor located next to an underground car park.

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But sadly it’s no more with the basement nightclub closing its doors for good after long-term licensee Max Gunsberger recently retired.

Port Macquarie, a city of 40 0000 people located on the NSW mid north coast, is known for its extensive beaches and popularity as a tourist and retirement destination. Not so much for its pumping nightlife.

The Down Under is ranked number 35 on travel website Trip Advisor's 'Things to Do In Port Macquarie'. It comes just before stand up paddle boarding but after the Astronomical Association Observatory and St Thomas Anglican Church.

But for tourists and locals the Down Under was the place to continue a Friday night into a Saturday morning. A place to drink, dance, fight and get maybe laid in the bathroom.

The club is believed to be one of the oldest in the country and was one of the first outside of Sydney when it opened its doors in 1975 operating as Helmuts.

According to the Port News, it was eventually changed to Lees before it was again renamed Down Under in 1982 in honour of the hit song by Men at Work.

Drew Bennett grew up in Port Mac and before moving away at the age of 23 spent more nights at Down Under than he probably cares to admit.

Noisey: When was the best time to hit Down Under?
Drew Bennett: Wednesdays had it all; free popcorn, free pizza and karaoke. A tavern on the other side of town served two-for-one dinners which came with free drink tickets. Everyone would get tickets off families and drink schooners of Bundy and coke on tap then go to Down Under. The police were snapping everyone and tried to make it stop, so the tavern bought a bus and would ferry people from the tavern into town.

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What other options were there in Port Macquarie?
To understand Down Under you have to understand that going out in Port Macquarie wasn't based on what were the best options, but the place where you had the least likelihood of getting punched in the head. It was either face rave goblins and meth heads at Roxy's which had dance cages hanging from the roof or deal with footy players and old hardened alcoholics. Both were equally fucked but I managed to get punched in the head a lot more at Roxy's. After they took away the dance cages Down Under was the choice.

How would you describe the clientele?
Chat. Real chat. When I was going there too much it was around the time "MILF" and "cougar" really took off. So it was basically every teenage boy with a stanger dreaming about fucking some goer mum.

And the reality?
The reality was that it was fucking gross. Heroin was huge in Port in the 90s and strict laws from over dosing to carrying a needle could see you in jail. So a lot of people had to get clean. Down Under filled that void and a lot of people never left. It was beach going junkies from the 90s drinking gin and sunrises and my dad's cousin Jason.

The place always smelt of pre cum and rotting oranges from all the spilt vodkas with half dressed middle aged women happily get felt up by teenagers while middle aged men watched on snitching to security to get us kicked out. You get the picture.

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What kind of music did they play?
The best kind of shit. Nick Skitz Volume 4-11 could be selected from behind the bar. School socials for fucking adult’s man. Imagine the best of DMX, Kernkraft 400 (they played "Zombie Nation" a lot) and Bonnie Tyler, Blondie, Tina Turner carpet bombed throughout 50 Cent, Hoodoo Gurus, Jet, Hilltop Hoods and Eminem songs. They always fucking always played "Nutbush City Limit" and everyone would get up and dance. AC/DC wasn't allowed because it "incited violence". My friend’s brother was the house DJ and he’d play the worst kind of shit for us. He's now a born again Christian who sells pingers on the Gold Coast.

Was there much dancing? The Facebook photos suggest there was more sitting around and drinking cans.
Mostly football players at wedding reception type dancing; the sprinkler, the lawnmower, that kind of Muriel's Wedding type dumb shit. But the dance floor was over in the corner and surrounded by mirrors so when it was time it was time.

The dance floor also acted as the entrance/exit to the bathrooms where you could see people pissing and frequently fucking in. People either "danced" to grope each other or try and get a peek at someone getting pumped in the bathroom. To be fair I did a lot of groping and gross dirty dancing with gross people.

Is it true that it was in an underground carpark?
Yeah they literally built a wall in a car park and said "nightclub". Security guards would smoke inside whenever someone had their car on so you couldn’t smell the exhaust. I'm surprised no one died in there from monoxide poisoning.

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I take it fights were frequent.
Only if you were stupid enough to get involved in one. The place was always full of guys who’d snap at any second. If security got involved that was when you were really fucked. I got into a fight with four of them when I was I think maybe 20 and I ended up my face smashed into a brick wall with my pants around my ankles in a hammerlock for over an hour. If you ever went to the police about something happening there, the response was always "well you shouldn't have gone to Down Under"

Were the ‘goon sunrises’ as awesome/horrible as they sound?
It was goon with orange juice and some red shit in it. Of course they were fucking great I still drink them now.