Yesterday, I theorised that the real theme of The Bachelor 2018 was a swelling sense of female empowerment and agency. Last night, as Nick ripped out two very nice women’s hearts (and the nation’s brain), that theory was proven.
This season was never about love. Maybe it’s because on some innate level, women who understand contouring can’t love a man with a biological perm. Maybe it’s because Nick’s pathological fear of saying the wrong thing or hurting anyone meant that he spent most episodes smiling like a labrador while its owner read Keats to it. Whatever it was, this show was doomed long before Brooke walked out, taking any chance of a real finale with her in that Uber Black.
When Nick rejected both Soph and Britt beside that infinity pool, it wasn’t a surprise. Britt had already flagged that she was unsure where she stood post Brooke’s exit — A REAL BREXIT IF YOU WILL. There was no way any relationship formed after that wouldn’t carry an asterix. I won’t go too deep on the rest of the episode: the double break up, the humidity-soaked curls, Britt’s very iconic “Thanks, bye” and “Well, that was a waste of time” lines, and Nick’s final infuriating realisation he might not be ready for all this after all. Thanks mate, could have saved a chill $1K in scented candles if you had thought of that before starring in this iconic television show.
The only other noteworthy part of this year’s finale came when the girls got in their cars. Soph cemented her role as the next Jennifer Hawkins when she tearfully said she was genuinely happy for Britt. And when Britt found out Soph hadn’t been told the twist—that she was still out there, feeling alone and dejected—she did a full ‘TURN THIS CAR AROUND’ and set out to find her.
The scene where the pair met up, and immediately burst out in awkward ‘ How is this happening to me!? What is life?’ laughter, was relatable for everyone who's ever been genuinely healed by a mate. The fact that within 0.2 seconds they were pretty much six roses deep on the smokers balcony going full “I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM” made me proud to be a woman.
In the wake of the show, we usually have a media tour of the happy couple pawing each other on various couches owned by Channel 10. This year, that victory lap has been replaced by interviews with the final four, often together, holding hands like a Baby Sitters Club cover, talking about how happy they are too have met each other. So there you have it: Love can’t last, especially when it’s back-lit by that many fairy lights. But friendship, especially female friendship, is eternal.