On this episode of People Who Just Had Sex we meet Tobias and Brian, a Brooklyn couple who have had particularly unique and experimental sexual histories—from gay porn auditions, to Tobias losing his virginity on a plane, to three-way relationships, to a stint of anti-gay therapy prompted by the Mormon church. The couple met during pride in San Francisco five years ago, and after years of friendship they began dating seven months ago. Below they discuss all the juicy details of their sexual past and present that you don't see in the video.
VICE: So, you guys both had pretty unique experiences when losing your virginities.
Tobias: Well, yeah, the first time I had sex was with a woman… on an airplane. I was 15, flying back to San Francisco from my boarding school in New York, and I was sitting next to this woman who seemed around 30. We were talking, and she got really drunk, and she eventually started slipping me drinks and rubbing my leg like “Oh, you’re so handsome.” She asked me what I did, and I said “going to school,” so I guess she assumed that school meant college. And then she just said “meet me in the bathroom."And you managed to full-on fuck in that tiny stall?
Well, she went to the bathroom first, and then I joined—she started to rub my chest, and I touched her breasts. And ya know, when you’re a teenager you get rock hard right away as soon as anything remotely sexual happens. She gave me a blow-job, and then she sat me down on the toilet and got on top of me, and in like 5 seconds it was over.That's a hard story to beat. Brian?
Brian: Well, I didn’t really do anything sexual with anyone before college. Then at college I worked at the gym on campus, and one day these two guys came up to me and said, “We’re going to a club tonight, do you want to come with us?” I was so nervous—I don’t think they knew that I was so new to this "gay thing," but I was drinking my way through it. So they drove me downtown to this club and we were waiting in line to get in, and the one guy literally just put his arm around me and instantly I was rock hard. It was so embarrassing. I was wearing khaki pants and trying to cover myself, but he noticed, and I think it excited him. We ended up not even making it into the club, we just went back to his friend’s studio apartment with a couple other guys. So his friend took out a literal chair pad and put it on his kitchen floor and was like, “You guys can sleep there.” We started making out, and soon his friends start watching. One thing led to another, and I ended up losing my virginity while two other guys were watching, jacking-off.Did that turn you on?
At the time it was amazing. It’s so funny though, because when I look back, I never had that whole "romantic, losing my virginity” thing. But in a way I think it was a good thing to just get rid of it, ya know?Yeah, I guess virginity is sort of like a disease. So you mentioned that you both auditioned for porn, but eventually decided against it. Have either of you ever considered other forms of sex work?
Tobias: I’ve done sex work before. I worked as a stripper, and as a naked cleaning guy, so when I auditioned for porn I'd had experience in the sex industry, but it's completely different when you go on camera.Naked cleaning guy—how cinematic. What were your clients like?
It varied. I had "stereotypical" guys that were huge and disgusting. I also had this one guy who had a totally filthy house. I walked in and was like, “Oh my god, am I really going to have to clean this?” And he was just like, “Whatever, just jack-off." But then this other guy had a house that was eerily spotless, and he just wanted me to walk around naked wiping the clean counters while he jerked-off.That sounds like a good job.
It’s a great job.So do you guys ever use sex toys?
Brian: We have. I own a dildo, and we have wrist constraints that we use a lot. Tobias has a cock ring.We gave you a double-hole sex toy from TENGA to try. I know at first you said that it was a little bit tight for Tobias but now there's an ultra-sized version of the toy which is bigger. What I think is cool about it is that it’s a masturbation toy, but you can use it together, so it’s creates a different way of interacting with each other. I like to use a couples vibrator for that reason.
Tobias: Yeah, that's why I really enjoyed the toy too. When we first started dating, we did a lot of just mutual masturbation, which I think can be really intimate.Brian: Yeah, when we started dating we waited almost two months before we had full-on sex. We fooled around, but it was important for us to take our time, because the goal was for this to be a serious thing. But masturbation with eye contact can be just as intense as sex. It's hot watching someone give themselves pleasure—watching their movements, and learning what they like it. I personally really liked the egg masturbator too. It looks like your dick wouldn’t fit in it, but it’s actually really stretchy. It’s this really weird, squishy, stretchy material.Tobias: I was using the egg on him, but I had to stop because he was about to cum, and we'd only just started fooling around.Have either of you ever experimented with non-monogamy in the past?
Brian: I was in a three-person relationship for a year in college. The other two had been together for a couple of years before I joined, so I guess I was their "secondary parter," as it's called. And then sometimes we would bring even more people in, so I've had a fair amount of group sex.Is that complicated?
It was fun, but yeah, it can get complicated. I ended up breaking up with them, but they stayed together.But you guys are monogamous now, right?
Yeah, we've both had a lot of partners and casual sex, and what I’ve come to realize is that, when you’re in a relationship and building a life together, or even just building a sexual relationship together, the more you get to know that person, the better the sex is. And yes, I can find someone on my phone or go to a gay club and just have random sex, and it would probably be good, but our sex is better because of the level of intimacy we've established. I know that I have flaws, physically or whatnot, but I also know that Tobias is very accepting of me, so I can just be myself and not have to worry about 'does my butt look good from this angle' or whatever.Tobias: Yeah, I think in terms of casual sex, you’re always trying to look good—to present a certain experience. But we've gotten to know each other on a very intimate level, and we’ve talked so much about our physical and emotional flaws. It did actually take me a while to get out of my head, but eventually I felt comfortable enough to Brian to let go, and that's when sex becomes truly amazing.Tenga is a sex toy. To find out more about their Deep Throat Cup and Easy Beat Egg Masturbator, follow the hyperlinks.
Advertisement
Tobias: Well, yeah, the first time I had sex was with a woman… on an airplane. I was 15, flying back to San Francisco from my boarding school in New York, and I was sitting next to this woman who seemed around 30. We were talking, and she got really drunk, and she eventually started slipping me drinks and rubbing my leg like “Oh, you’re so handsome.” She asked me what I did, and I said “going to school,” so I guess she assumed that school meant college. And then she just said “meet me in the bathroom."And you managed to full-on fuck in that tiny stall?
Well, she went to the bathroom first, and then I joined—she started to rub my chest, and I touched her breasts. And ya know, when you’re a teenager you get rock hard right away as soon as anything remotely sexual happens. She gave me a blow-job, and then she sat me down on the toilet and got on top of me, and in like 5 seconds it was over.That's a hard story to beat. Brian?
Brian: Well, I didn’t really do anything sexual with anyone before college. Then at college I worked at the gym on campus, and one day these two guys came up to me and said, “We’re going to a club tonight, do you want to come with us?” I was so nervous—I don’t think they knew that I was so new to this "gay thing," but I was drinking my way through it. So they drove me downtown to this club and we were waiting in line to get in, and the one guy literally just put his arm around me and instantly I was rock hard. It was so embarrassing. I was wearing khaki pants and trying to cover myself, but he noticed, and I think it excited him. We ended up not even making it into the club, we just went back to his friend’s studio apartment with a couple other guys. So his friend took out a literal chair pad and put it on his kitchen floor and was like, “You guys can sleep there.” We started making out, and soon his friends start watching. One thing led to another, and I ended up losing my virginity while two other guys were watching, jacking-off.
Advertisement
At the time it was amazing. It’s so funny though, because when I look back, I never had that whole "romantic, losing my virginity” thing. But in a way I think it was a good thing to just get rid of it, ya know?Yeah, I guess virginity is sort of like a disease. So you mentioned that you both auditioned for porn, but eventually decided against it. Have either of you ever considered other forms of sex work?
Tobias: I’ve done sex work before. I worked as a stripper, and as a naked cleaning guy, so when I auditioned for porn I'd had experience in the sex industry, but it's completely different when you go on camera.Naked cleaning guy—how cinematic. What were your clients like?
It varied. I had "stereotypical" guys that were huge and disgusting. I also had this one guy who had a totally filthy house. I walked in and was like, “Oh my god, am I really going to have to clean this?” And he was just like, “Whatever, just jack-off." But then this other guy had a house that was eerily spotless, and he just wanted me to walk around naked wiping the clean counters while he jerked-off.That sounds like a good job.
It’s a great job.So do you guys ever use sex toys?
Brian: We have. I own a dildo, and we have wrist constraints that we use a lot. Tobias has a cock ring.We gave you a double-hole sex toy from TENGA to try. I know at first you said that it was a little bit tight for Tobias but now there's an ultra-sized version of the toy which is bigger. What I think is cool about it is that it’s a masturbation toy, but you can use it together, so it’s creates a different way of interacting with each other. I like to use a couples vibrator for that reason.
Tobias: Yeah, that's why I really enjoyed the toy too. When we first started dating, we did a lot of just mutual masturbation, which I think can be really intimate.
Advertisement
Brian: I was in a three-person relationship for a year in college. The other two had been together for a couple of years before I joined, so I guess I was their "secondary parter," as it's called. And then sometimes we would bring even more people in, so I've had a fair amount of group sex.Is that complicated?
It was fun, but yeah, it can get complicated. I ended up breaking up with them, but they stayed together.But you guys are monogamous now, right?
Yeah, we've both had a lot of partners and casual sex, and what I’ve come to realize is that, when you’re in a relationship and building a life together, or even just building a sexual relationship together, the more you get to know that person, the better the sex is. And yes, I can find someone on my phone or go to a gay club and just have random sex, and it would probably be good, but our sex is better because of the level of intimacy we've established. I know that I have flaws, physically or whatnot, but I also know that Tobias is very accepting of me, so I can just be myself and not have to worry about 'does my butt look good from this angle' or whatever.Tobias: Yeah, I think in terms of casual sex, you’re always trying to look good—to present a certain experience. But we've gotten to know each other on a very intimate level, and we’ve talked so much about our physical and emotional flaws. It did actually take me a while to get out of my head, but eventually I felt comfortable enough to Brian to let go, and that's when sex becomes truly amazing.Tenga is a sex toy. To find out more about their Deep Throat Cup and Easy Beat Egg Masturbator, follow the hyperlinks.