Music by VICE

65 Objectively Good Things That Happened in 2018

Every year is bad now. But these things got us through 2018.

by Noisey Staff
28 December 2018, 5:28pm

Illustration by Alex Gamsu Jenkins

In case it hasn’t become clear yet, every year from here on out is just going to get worse. There’s no reversing it at this point. We’re on the downslide of civilization, friends. And while it’s a lamentable tragedy, there are still occasional, fleeting moments of joy to be found in our deteriorating world. And when you find them, you must grab ahold and never let go. Cherish them. Treasure your, dumb stupid little moments—the ones that make you laugh through the tears. They are all we have left. Here is a list of the things we thought were good this year.

Gritty Hatching

Cardi B Twerking at Coachella While Pregnant

This Guy Feverishly Sucking Toes in Traffic

The Wu-Tang Tiny Desk Concert in Which Young Dirty Bastard Stood on the Desk

Our Exposé on the Tiny Desk Not Actually Being That Tiny

Elon Musk Getting Himself Removed as the CEO of His Company Over a Weed Tweet

Mike Francesa’s Touching Reaction to Stan Lee Dying

Rihanna (and Most Artists) Sending Trump Cease and Desist Letters

Another Year of Danny DeVito Being Alive and Well

A Star Is Born Memes (But Not Necessarily the Movie)

The Expansion of Our Office Hot Sauce Collection

None of Us Winning Ice-T’s Dumbfuck of the Day Award

The Warped Tour Ending

John McCain Getting the Solemn and Dignified Tribute His Death Deserved

Ric Flair Getting Married for the Fifth Time

Young Thug Sending Us a Snake (Even Though the Snake Eventually Died, RIP)

Noisey Editor in Chief Eric Sundermann Getting Yelled at by an Army of Katy Perry Fans for Something Our Staff Wrote Online

Eric Sundermann Getting an Angry Phone Call from Jack White for Something Our Staff Wrote Online

Eric Sundermann Getting Pranked with a Fart Machine That Our Staff Spent Good Money On

Eric Sundermann Quitting Noisey

Luke from the Dirty Nil’s Tone Tips

The “Punch Up the Jam” Episode About “LA Woman” by the Doors

Tha Carter V Finally Getting Released

Jonathan Chait Getting BOFAed

The Patent on Teledildonics Expiring

When Goku RIP’d Aretha Franklin

Bill Cosby Going to Jail

Michael Cohen Going to Jail

Paul Manafort Going to Jail

This Young Baseball Player Who Listed His Favorite Actor as Johnny Sins

Papa John Getting Fired for Racism and Bad Pizza, Probably

This Lemon That Rolled for a Really Long Time

The Yodel Kid Having a Debut Single

The FBI Agent Who Shot Someone While Dancing

Steve Albini Winning a Title on the World Series of Poker

Trey Smoking Out of a Crab

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Cardi B’s Online Friendship

The Kid Who Said “Gucci Gang” a Million Times for Charity

Migos Doing the First Ever Good Episode of “Carpool Karaoke”

Mr. Mime in the Detective Pikachu Trailer

This Vegan Fight

Drake’s Grills in the “In My Feelings” Video

“You Are Hiding a Child”

Polo Bringing Back Their Snow Beach Collection

All the Dumbshits Who Lit Their Nikes on Fire

Smash Mouth Reminding Everyone of the Virtues of Eating Pussy

Celebrating Another Festive Vore Day

Beyoncé's Coachella Performance

Carly Rae Jepsen Finally Getting Her Sword

When Noisey Editor Colin Joyce Won Two Games of Fortnite in a Row [Citation Missing]

Having No Stake Whatsoever in the Eminem/Machine Gun Kelly Beef

Kendrick Winning a Pulitzer

Idris Elba Winning Sexist Man Alive

When Tierra Whack Took Over Our Instagram and the First Thing She Did Was Post a Photo of Her Turds

Nick Cave Getting a Very Odd Statue of Himself in a Small Australian Town

Our Office Receptionist Sally Earning a Spot on Our Songs of the Year List with Her Hit Song "I Have Had Sex with All My Dolls"

Liam Gallagher Talking to Kids

The Guy Who Got Mauled by a Bear, Bitten by a Rattlesnake and Then Attacked by a Shark

Donald Trump Jr.’s Wife Leaving Him Because He Tweets Too Much

The Very Nice Realization That Next Year Will Bring Us the 69th Edition of Now That’s What I Call Music

Weezer Meeting the Demands of the Internet and Covering “Africa”

Will Smith’s “In My Feelings” Challenge

Cat Power's Cover of Rihanna's "Stay"

SonicFox at the Game Awards Saying, “I’m a Gay, Black, Furry and I’m the Best E-sports Player in the World.”

Sleep. Sweet, Sweet Sleep

This article originally appeared on Noisey US.