Waving Goodbye To The International Break: Vice Sports UK Goals of the Week

The international break is over, and the earth is slowly coming back to life. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and colour has returned to the monochrome skies. People who slumped on the spot at the thought of two weeks of World Cup qualifiers are now stirring, confused, disorientated but ultimately glad to be alive. We can now put the pointless drudgery of international football behind us, and try to forget the time we spent watching England play Slovakia in what must have been the most appalling football match of all time.

That said, not every game of the last two weeks was so completely and utterly devoid of quality. Pointless, tiresome and miserable as the international break may be, it has at least provided us with a selection of excellent goals. Sure, these efforts are merely a handful of confetti sprinkled on the horrendous turd that is the World Cup qualification process, but nevermind that.

We welcome any attempt to make the international break more bearable, and so let us celebrate these wonderful gol-gol-gols!

Had Sweden secured a 1-1 home draw with Holland a few years ago, it would probably have been seen as a positive result. These days, however, Holland are basically terrible, so well done Sweden for fucking things up. The Swedes looked like they might take all three points from the game when, just before half time, Marcus Berg put them 1-0 to the good. He was assisted by some atrocious Dutch defending, but that took nothing away from his delightful finesse.

After a speculative ball was whipped towards the Dutch box, there was a mix up in the centre of defence. The ball fell to Kevin Strootman, who dallied in possession on the edge of the box. Berg dispossessed him with a clean tackle, before immediately lofting the ball into the net. Unfortunately, Wesley Sneijder equalised not long afterwards with a supremely average close-range finish, hence rendering the aesthetics of the opener somewhat moot.

When Venezuela went 1-0 up against Argentina in their CONMEBOL qualifier, it looked like an upset could be on the cards. In the end, much like Sweden, they were forced to settle for a standard draw. Venezuela have already failed to qualify for Russia 2018, so the match was more about giving the fans something to cheer than anything else. Juanpi Anor certainly managed that, and nearly caused a couple of heart attacks in the commentary box, too.

In the 34th minute, with the game still goalless, the ball came to Anor on the right side of the box. He nutmegged Marcus Rojo, cut inside him, then curled a screamer into the roof of the net. Anor went mental, the fans went spare, and his teammates piled on top of him in wild abandon. Meanwhile, the two co-commentators made an inhuman howl the likes of which would usually be reserved for people being mauled by wolves.

Now, we don't need to tell you that Gianluigi Buffon is a decent goalkeeper. He's won the World Cup with Italy, and every bit of domestic silverware under the sun. He is a towering, glowering wall of Tuscan muscle, and he concedes goals at roughly the same rate that glaciers concede to the slow hum of global warming. He is not a man to be messed with.

What's more, he's certainly not a man to be lobbed.

Despite the huge social stigma attached to any attempt to lob Buffon, Israel's Tal Ben Haim tried his luck on Monday evening. In a World Cup qualifier at the Haifa International Stadium, the Maccabi forward sprung onto a loose ball in the final third, before bounding towards Buffon's box. With the keeper still a reasonable way off his line, Ben Haim launched an impudent lob well over his head and into the back of the net. The stadium fell silent, stunned by his audacity.

Israel went on to lose 3-1. That's what fucking happens when you lob Buffon.