Let's start with an apology: sorry to any Welsh THUMP readers out there, but Rob Brydon, Tom Jones, Pam Ferris…your boys took a hell of a beating!Now that's out of the way, let's get onto the nitty-gritty. Which is dissecting "World in Motion" by New Order, a song so good that it turns even the staunchist anti-patriot into a blubbering, teary, sunburnt mess. Like "Three Lions", there's something strangely melancholy about it, something that's already accepting defeat just as it's daring to dream about victory, and as such it's a nigh-on perfect musical interpretation of this mawkish, grubby, tea-stained nation. And John Barnes does a rap for good measure!
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"World in Motion" isn't just the best football song ever: it's genuinely of the best records ever made by anyone ever. And as such, let's cut it ten ways and work out exactly what makes it just so godlike.The video for "World in Motion" is as important here as the song itself. In fact, the two are symbiotic. Even if played in the dark you'll soon discover that the tune will summon the video in your mind, frame by frame, note by note. There are goal compilations, high-rises, reckless shifts between black and white and colour, Bernard Sumner's head fading softly into the corner of the frame, and some of the best casual sportswear sourced in the last century. Yet more than that, the video is a glorious canonisation of the last truly aesthetically pleasing era of football."World in Motion" is a song about a song called "World in Motion" being sung, but it isn't the kind of meta-shitshow that people on Reddit get excited about because apparently being able to understand reference points is now worthy of self-praise.It's hard to talk about Gazza without sounding like either a Mock the Week reject (Chicken! Fishing rods! Cans! Raoul Moat! Love it! Please release me from this awful life!) or a football fantasist who wants to reel you into their deathly dull alternate history where the affable Geordie signs for Man United and goes on to win thirteen consecutive Champions Leagues and eventually gets elected to venture into deep space as Earth's finest specimen, so instead, just enjoy the simple pleasure of watching Gazza mouth "EXPRESS YOURSELF" in the video.If you aren't dressing like big Bernard every time you take a not-quite-fully-pumped-up tatty ball out to the park for an aimless five minutes of practicing "long passes" before just seeing who can kick it the highest, then you're doing Summer 2016 terribly, terribly wrong.John Barnes raps like people on Radio 4 panel shows rap, i.e. not like any actual rap that's been made since 1985. His deadpan, bordering on drab, delivery works somehow, and while he always seems just one line away from saying "My name's John and I'm here to say," there's something incredibly charming about his seminal verse. And the pleasure largely derives from the vocal stress patterns he works with. Without Barnes, there'd be no Young Thug.
1. It Has One of the Greatest Music Videos of All Time
2. It's a Song About Itself That's Somehow Not Smug and Shit
3. Gazza Shouting "EXPRESS YOURSELF"
4. Bernard Sumner's Summer Look
5. John Barnes' Peculiarly Stiff Cadence
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