Why People Keep Trying to Make a Dating App for Polygamists

Riski Ramdani's tech startup is trying to disrupt the nuclear family. He's the latest in a growing list of tech entrepreneurs trying to offer Indonesian Muslims an Islamic alternative to dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, and, like so many of these new religious startups, Riski isn't trying to just connect Muslim singles, he wants to connect men with their second, third, and fourth wives as well.

His company, maupoligami.com is like Tinder for married men. It allows users to filter their potential matches by age, location, and status. But when it's time to meet in-person, Riski's company plans to step in and set up taaruf, an Islamic get-to-know-you where the end game is marriage. It's a combination of Riski's two big passions, he is both a software developer and an ustad—a Muslim preacher. He's also a practicing polygamist himself, with two wives and a family of small children.

Watch: Heaven and Hell: Indonesia's Battle Over Polygamy

If all of this sounds familiar, it's because we've seen it before. Last year, another startup, this one called AyoPoligami, or "let's do polygamy," made headlines in Indonesia before being taken off the market. That app was recalled amid widespread controversy and allegations of misuse. The app's founder, much like Riski himself, told the press his app was meant to reduce instances of infidelity, or zina, an Islamic term that can mean everything from thinking about sex too much to cheating on your partner or having sex before marriage. But there were allegations that some men were using AyoPoligami without the knowledge of their wives.

Riski believes he knows a way around this problem, by involving men's wives in the conversation and verifying all the data with necessary in-person events.

“We’ll verify the data," he explained. "They can lie, but we’ll find out about it later. We’ll disqualify them if the data is false."

I went to a public event where Riski spoke in the suburbs of Jakarta to see who, exactly, was interested in using his app. It was in a Sundanese restaurant, and by the time I arrived, the room was already pretty full. A man was holding the mic, explaining to the room why he brought his wife and children to place where he could find a second wife.

"I want to restore my family's faith in God," he said. "I learned from the Hadith, that most of Dajjal's followers (Dajjal is basically the Muslim anti-Christ) in the end times will be women."

Another man then took the mic and launched into a conspiracy theory about how anyone who is against polygamy is party to a plot to reduce the number of Muslims on Earth.

"I want this planet to have more Muslims," he said. "Now people are taking birth control. Islam never taught us about that. So we need to fight it with polygamy."

But to focus on just these kinds of statements misses the fact that the room was full of women as well. Some were willing participants in the process, like Riski's first wife Dwi Rosilawati, who told me, “I see polygamy as a way to strengthen my faith on God. I’ll get rewarded when I feel jealous. It’s like Shahid (or martyrdom). God promises paradise for those who patiently endure. That’s amazing."

Others, though, had less say in their decision to attend. "I’m a housewife and I have a property business," one woman said to introduce herself. “I came here because my husband forced me.”

For Riski, it doesn't matter what brought these men and women to his event, as long as they were there to listen, learn, and discuss. "If we want our wife to support and help us to do polygamy, then we should be patient to teach her about it,” he told the room.

But why do would-be polygamists need an app in the first place? Polygamy has been around for centuries, and despite the overwhelming opposition to the practice here in Indonesia (86.5 percent of Muslims disagree with the practice, according to one survey), it is common enough that entrepreneurs like Riski see it as a potentially lucrative venture. He expects the app to grow to between 10,000 and 20,000 active users, a figure that would allow him to turn this startup into an actual business.

"We wanted to develop an app that will be used by lots of people so it can provide income to the company," he said. "We hope it will bring profit in the future."

There's another reason why this idea—an app for polygamy—keeps popping up in Indonesia: the culture wars. The country, like other Muslim-majority nations, is in the midst of a heated discussion over Indonesia's religion, culture, and history.

It might seem like I'm reaching here, but think about it for a second. What else could you call the rise of "niqab squads," anti-dating groups, and flash-marriage events? Or the fact that teenagers are really, really into religion, way more than any generation before them?

In a cultural battle like this, it's only expected that some people will try to mainstream ideas and practices that, until recently, might not have been all that popular, precisely because, to some, they are gaining acceptance. And what better way to re-cast a centuries-old idea with a shiny modern veneer than an app?

"The majority of Indonesians tend to rely on access to instant and easy information they find on the internet," explained Iklilah Muzayyanah, an expert in Islam and gender studies at the University of Indonesia. "[So] those who want to spread their ideology realize that the demand for something quick and easy is strong. So they put their ideas in an app."

But just because something is becoming more mainstream, doesn't mean it's without controversy. Riski told me he was prepared for the backlash, explaining that polygamists were used to the rest of the country questioning their choice. An app isn't going to change that, at least not in the beginning, he explained. But the longer topics like these are in the national discussion, the more people will talk and make their own opinions.

"We can’t get rid of these challenges,” Riski said. "Controversy has long been an enemy for polygamy."