These Cursed Flavor Drops Will Make Water Taste Like Rosé

According to the Bible, Jesus once turned water into wine at a wedding in the town of Cana. Now, thanks to Walmart, you can too.

This time it's modern food science—not divine intervention—working its magic in your Hydroflask. Among its many "water enhancers," from a raspberry black tea flavor to an electrolyte-spiked fruit punch flavor, store brand Great Value has piloted its most on-trend option yet: "cocktail mixer rosé wine drink enhancer." This, of course, being a hard-to-parse mix of "natural flavor with other natural flavors" that one drops into plain H2O if they either hate water or simply love rosé. Who, and I can't emphasize this enough, even asked for this?

According to Delish, the rosé drops were recently spotted by the Instagram account @candyhunting, who posted a photo of them yesterday. But apparently, they've actually been around since at least October, along with a "berry sangria" version. And that's not even the most cursed of it: There now also appears to be "apple cider vinegar limeade" (??) and "apple cider vinegar strawberry pineapple" (???) flavors. None of those flavors are available online yet, however.

Sure, a product like this could probably find its footing in plenty of markets. People are increasingly opting out of alcohol and buying flavored water instead of soda, and millennials sure do love rosé. But we have to acknowledge who really seems to be the target of this stuff: Wine moms, and for that, we've gotta live, laugh, love 'em! When the "sippy cup" for "mom juice" runs clear with water and not pink with wine—because even wine moms gotta hydrate—all one need do is add a drop or two, and rosé all day indeed.

Sure, we can see the uses for this disturbing creation. Broke at brunch but your friends love rosé? Glug a little in your water glass, and yum, same thing! Love White Claw? Drop some in your can, anyway—no laws when you're drinking claws, eh? Making cupcakes? Wine not put a little in the frosting? If this world is already a hell of our own making, what's the point of living through rose-colored glasses when we can live with rosé-flavored glasses?

I, for one, would still rather have the real stuff.