I Regret Robbing Families More Than Shooting at Cops

Brett* has spent most of his adult life behind bars. The bulk of his sentencing came about in the 90s after he attempted to murder two police officers, popping off 15 rounds at their car while escaping with a female hostage. His extensive rap sheet also includes prison breakouts, prostitution rings, and numerous bank robberies.

I first met Brett at a gym, a few months after he'd been granted parole for his latest conviction, namely, causing serious injury and possession of an unregistered firearm. We sat down to talk about his regrets. What does a man who is indifferent to robbing banks and shooting cops regret most about his long and lawless career?

VICE: Hey Brett, how much of your life have you spent doing time?
Brett: Since I turned 18, I've spent more time in jail then I have on the outside. I didn't really have much of a future. It started with fucking around a bit and I just got buried in the lifestyle. Or chasing the lifestyle. I don't know man.

Why do you think you were attracted to crime?
I guess I was always a bit of a black sheep. My DNA must have been a bit off kilter because I was always drawn to the darker side. Crime, drugs, prostitution and everything that comes with it. Then a few things got going and it was like a ball that rolled down a hill and kept getting bigger and bigger, you know? You get used to the coin, and that's never enough. You get used to the rush, so you start pulling bigger stunts. And then you get greedy because you're getting off on the power.

Power as in shoving shot guns in people's faces?
Ha! No, of course not. I just mean having power over a situation. I guess I just had a problem with authority. My parents weren't there for me. Not trying to make this a hard-luck story. I just hate cunts that think they can get it over the rest of us. It comes down to how desperate you are or how greedy you are. When you put both those things into a person's head when they're dealing with real life shit, they might feel backed into a corner and play up. That's probably why shooting at cops was easier for me and doesn't play on my conscience. Because in the moment it was me or them. Survival instincts go full throttle and you just do what you do without thinking.

What do you regret most?
So when I got out I was basically doing whatever to make ends meet. I started breaking into houses and doing run-throughs. Just doing whatever I could to get me on. I remember the family photos and kids toys used to always get to me. Especially whenever that TAC ad would come on telly of the families holding pictures of family they lost in car accidents. It took me back and made me think about how scared they might've been, that someone had been in their room, looking through their stuff. I was taking their valuables to buy fucking shit. But you get caught up in this fucked system where you start taking more gear to stop thinking about what you've done and it just never ends.

Is there a specific moment that's stayed with you the most?
I'll never forget this one time I tripped on one of those pink plastic tables for little girls. The kind they probably prop up for their favourite dolls to throw tea parties and stuff. Anyway, once I was going through a family's living room when they came home. I started to run and tripped over one of those tables. Then I got up and shoved the old man out the way. I ran out through the garage and saw two girls in the back seat of the car. They were looking right at me and their faces were so white. I'll never forget that. You know it's just the kids that really get to me. They don't deserve it. No family deserves to have their home broken into.

For a related VICE doco, watch Walking Heavy: Meet One of Britain's Most Notorious Reformed Criminals

I find it interesting how your imagination has troubled you more than actually physically taking someone down.
I guess it's because I've seen their reaction and that's it. It's happened and it's over. You're charging when you do that kind of stuff. You're always on the move. But you can't be on the move when it comes to your own head. Your own head always topples you in the end.

You never thought about applying for a regular job?
Can't do it. Because of the situations I've put myself in, it's hard for me to stay focussed and live off an average wage. I've tried working at the panel beaters and in different gyms. I'd like to own my own. Be my own boss, you know? But you can't just declare something like that. You've got to earn it. I've been chasing shortcuts my whole life. Not putting in enough hard yards.

I don't know if that's true. You've pulled off some serious jobs.
You're not wrong. But I guess what drives me in those situations is the problem solving. You just get addicted to the rush of figuring it out. When you come up with a scheme and every cunt looks at you like "what the fuck is wrong with this idiot?" then they hear around the traps that it actually went down, that's the good shit. It gets me off.

Around the traps? Or in jail? Because that's a very boob-ed out mentality.
Well mate that's all I've ever known. Blokes I've been locked up with have made me who I am. Not in a bad way but because we don't have much access to the outside world. After five or so years even your best mates stop visiting. Our only taste of the world is what new inmates bring in with them. There's no one else in there to look up to, so everyone's just a number and a story. Whoever has got the best story. So in a way, yes, they're the guys I talk about because they're all I know.

How do you deal with regrets?
By working out and boxing. Just totalling my body, pushing it to its limits. Trying to do the right thing, get myself on the right path. I know I've moved away from these stains that keep haunting me. But I deserve the nightmares and shit feelings because I did do those things and I like being reminded of the hard times. It's your own demons that expose your weaknesses so you can either let them get the best of you, or you can tell them to sit the fuck down and let you get your shit in order. It took me a lot of years to work that one out.

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