Jerking Off

  • The Perils of Jerking Off in the Dial-Up Era

    Kids these days have it so easy. When I first started buffering my banana in the 90s, porn was only available via dial-up internet on the shared family computer.

  • Owning Porno Used to Mean Something, Damnit

    The internet really changed the way people masturbate. Today, if you want to see someone naked you just press the buttons and poof, there’s a boob. But as a teenager I remember thinking of pictures of naked women as a kind of secret relic, something...

  • The Man Behind the World's Most Famous Fake Vagina

    Steve Shubin wants us to talk more about touching ourselves. He's baffled as to why dildos have become an acceptable brunch conversation topic while male sex toys remain taboo.

  • The Jerkoff Diaries: Part II

    I honestly have no idea what blueballs are or whether they exist at all, scientifically speaking. But on Saturday I experienced something that may have been them. Saturday morning started unusually. With a blowjob from my wife. Well, almost a blowjob...

  • The Jerkoff Diaries

    My back hurts. My eyes are dry. And my neck is tighter than my asshole. The only thing more embarrassing than blogging (BLOGGING!) about trying to stop masturbating is blogging about being constipated from not masturbating.

  • American Government Employees Sure Do Love Porn

    That’s right: gigabytes of filth are being downloaded from a government-controlled network onto government-issued computers and consumed during government-billed hours. These are your tax dollars at work, people.