I'm Still Not Over the Incredible 'Fast and Furious 8' Trailer

Charlize Theron has white dreads!

by Amil Niazi
Dec 16 2016, 4:55pm

I, like you, have been waiting a very long time for this Fast and Furious trailer so let's just get there.

Fast and Furious 8 (The Fate of the Furious)
Fucking finally! Is there a greater movie franchise than the FF octology? Is there a greater friendship immortalized on screen than the one between Vin Diesel and Paul Walker? Is there a greater use of Ludacris than perennial Diesel sidekick? How do they do it? This EIGHTH addition to the Fast and Furious legacy manages to look as exciting as the first. Charlize Theron has white dreads for crying out loud! I've already watched this trailer ten times.

Every once in awhile the stars (literally) align and the universe bestows upon us mere mortals, a perfect movie. Arsenal is little more than a gift from the gods. This movie has a blockbuster cast of has-beens including Adrian Grenier, John Cusack, Johnathon Schaech, and, wait for it, Nicolas Cage. But let's talk solely about Nicolas because this is his finest look since Bad Lieutenant. Bloated, belligerent and in one of the worst wigs since Face/Off, this is peak Cage. What is he supposed to be? Is that a stripclub he's holding court at because it looks like they just borrowed a TV tray, parked it in a shed and said, "Nic, sit." Consider yourself blessed.

Everyone lost their shit over this trailer earlier in the week but I'm genuinely torn. On the one hand, I love Christopher Nolan (he singlehandedly saved the Batman franchise) and Tom Hardy is an actual sex angel but more importantly, IMO we hit peak WWII movie a long time ago. It's Oscar bait and we've seen it all before. Sorry.

The Circle
Eh, I've already seen this Black Mirror episode.

The Last Word
I'll be honest with you, I cried.

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