Bobbleheads are played. Why would you craft a man's graven image to stick in a purgatorial state of constant nodding yes-man assent? No, it is not dignified, and no way to treat a ballplayer, free and spry as they are. It is particularly not fitting for an demigod like Bartolo Colon, a man who deserves more than a rictus grin and a constantly bobbing head. He deserves better, and he has gotten it. Enter the bobble gut.
Yes, the good folks down at Clark Toys hit the lab with a pen and a pad, and set to work crafting a suitable commemoration of Bartolo's history-making homer. And so Clark Toys gave mobility to not only Bartolo's mighty head, but to his entire righteous upper sphere. Everything moves, as it should.
Sure, there are a couple of issues with the whole setup. Like, say, how did they get the gut-only to bobble? It isn't straightforward from the pictures, but we can trust that it's a feat of engineering genius. Then there's the fact that the headline on the fake newspaper below him is incorrect. Colon is not the oldest pitcher to hit a home run—he's the oldest pitcher to hit his first home run, which he did at 42. Also, the game didn't take place in front of CitiField's beloved home run apple—he and the Mets were at Petco Park in San Diego. But these are small things, especially relative to the greater grandeur of the creation. Clark Toys' good intentions are clear, and they've made a masterpiece.
Yes, it is a little mean to keep pointing at the guy's weight, but Bartolo handles his 300ish pounds just fine, and with great good humor. If it's middle school-ish to tease him about it, let it never be said that Bartolo handles himself like anything but a man.
If he has a sense of humor about it, so too should we. So bobble on, gut. Bobble on.