Everything We Overheard from Brits Abroad at Primavera

Primavera Sound is like someone took Pitchfork's Best New Music section from the last decade and made it into a festival. It has everything. On the one hand, it's a delightfully civilised affair where you can eat patatas bravas and watch Jane Birkin perform with a full symphony orchestra by the ocean. On the other, it's a lawless concrete hellscape where you can watch Evian Christ DJ a hard house remix of "Pretty Green Eyes" to a pop-up club full of people yelling about not being able to piss.

But whichever way you cut the cloth of your festival experience, you can guarantee there will be a British person sitting nearby, sloshing three pints around and saying something incredibly stupid incredibly loudly.

Each year, we Brits descend upon Barcelona, with our GCSE Spanish and aversion to sunscreen, and soil it. And whether it's because it's a Glastonbury fallow year, the final summer of free movement before Br*x*t, or because Arctic Monkeys were headlining, we seemed to be particularly On One this year.

On that note, here's some of the shit we overheard from Brits Abroad at Primavera this year, as told by a Brit Abroad.

– "I've got so much ham in my bag."

– "It's a fucking shambles here."

– "I love these toilets so much. I can't wait to wee in one."

– "Well, I feel like a right MILF now."

– "Bloody hell, the sea is mad, innit."

– Southern English Woman at Insanely Busy Bar: [inaudible]
Bar Staff: What?
Southern English Woman: I said: are these cups recyclable? Like, should I return it here when I'm done?
Bar Staff: … No.

– "I'm bare waved."

– Woman: "A—"
Some Fucking White Guy: "WELL ACTUALLY IF YOU COMPARE THE MELODIES OF HIS FIRST TWO ALBUMS…"

– "The Breeders are one of those bands who are just sick, aren't they."

– "I spat out my ice because the guitarist had a Black Flag bars tattoo."

– "This is a story as sad as it is stupid" – Father John Misty

– "You’re going downhill, son."

– "It's not about being in a crowd, it's about doing what I want as a person."

– "I think that 'sandwiches' might be the best word in the english language."

– "Music! I hate music!!!!"

– "We got mugged last night, which sucks, but it's fine because I beat the shit out of him with my stick" – an extremely old lady

– "He's getting really into meditation, but, like, to Jon Hopkins."

– "I'll fuego you, you dick."

– "I thought he was doing a kissing noise, but it's just the song."

– "I told a dog to shut up this morning."

– Man A: "Why are you so warm."
Man B: "I can feel your body radiating heat from here."
Man C: "I'm piping hot with joy and banter!"

– "Why are you like this?" – various different people to me

– "Of course I was the only one who got caught with a load of beer in his pants."

– "I wish people wouldn't say 'doggo'. It's fucking dog. Pull yourself together."

– Man: "Music festivals bring out how selfish everyone really is."
Woman: "How do you mean?"
Man: "Well, it's just 'me first' all the time, isn't it. Someone pushed me out the way at the bar!"
Woman: "Weird, I thought everyone was really nice."
Man: "Yeah, to be honest, that didn't even happen. I made it up."

*extended contrarian monologue about how Ariel Pink and Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti are different bands, actually* "Are you going to turn this into content?"

@emmaggarland

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