Celebrate Legalized Weed with the Best Stoner Streaming in Canada

Weed in Canada is about to be legal on paper instead of just in our hearts (it’s about time). In celebration of all that, I’ve taken the time to compile a list of streamable content to aid your soon-to-be legal high. Whether you’re into comedy, drama, horror or some straight-up mind-blowing visuals, years of “research” have led me to a few dozen titles now available on Crave TV and Netflix. Now, I’m not saying all of this is good—you might even call some of it corny (looking at you, He-Man). But with the right grass, it’ll all come out OK.

Trailer Park Boys

No one wants some sober somebody on their high horse around them while they get their high on. You want the like minded, equally tripped, non-judgmental few that can value your high. Canada’s Ricky, Bubbles, and Julian fit that bill perfectly. In our most paranoid states, it’s easy to appreciate these three dimwitted petty criminals living in a trailer park, and find solace in the fact that in your weirdo state, you’re still probably better than them.

Planet Earth II

Yes, it’s cliche as hell to include this within a list for stoning, but you’re looking for something complimentary, so don’t bring that hipster attitude in here. For those not in the know, David Attenborough’s Planet Earth II is an absolute celebration of movement, sound (Hans. Freaking. Zimmer!), colours and emotion. Watching several dozen slithering snakes chase a single iguana is the kind of existential scene on the crushing walls of life you must fully embrace.

Jackass (all of them)

A bunch of white dudes doing crazy, white dude shit (Jackass The Movie, Jackass Number Two: The Movie, Jackass 3 and Jackass 3.5). I doubt the soberness of it all, but given how mellow you’re liable to be in your state, it’s the perfect moment to live vicariously through the odd few making a living out of doing dumb shit.

Bojack Horseman

So get this: Animals and humans live together, and this main dude is this has-been sitcom star named Bojack Horseman (a horse) who’s trying to fix his life. Other animal people include this narcissistic snow leopard named Sebastian St. Clair (Keegan-Michael Key), Officer Meow-Meow Fuzzyface (Cedric Yarbrough), anthropomorphic Labrador named Mr. Peanutbutter and Keith Olbermann who’s a blue whale on MSNB….SEA. You wanna get lit right, eh?

Star Trek (Original Series)

I specifically mention Star Trek for the 1960s levels of choreography. Just look at this dumbass nonsense. My colleague over at Motherboard covered the specifics of this ridiculous shit with more depth than I. But on its face, it works while sober and works even better high. That doesn’t come with the heightened reality of slow motion goodness follows Captain Kirk (William Shatner) and Spock (Leonard Nimoy) as they put very…slow hands on all these alien mofos.

Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey

Another obvious choice here, because since when has science fiction not been trippy on its damn own. Much of this show is a homage to an original that came before my time, Cosmos: A Personal Voyage, but this time around it’s hosted by the most in-the-cut brotha of science, Neil DeGrasse Tyson. He brings a charismatic voice that’ll keep adults happy while using enough psychedelic effects to please the folks who aren’t here for all that edutainment.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

It’s a pretty good argument to say that every single Hanna-Barbera cartoon from the 80s still goes well with the puff, but He-Man was something else. Just think about it: this pageboy-haired dude Prince Adam yells out, “By the power of Grayskull!” as he morphs into some semi-nude square with a Miami body and a sword and shit. And he has this cat that wears armour, too. And his main enemy is Skeletor, an actual skeleton who sounds like a villain with a long-running cold.

Black Mirror

Black Mirror doesn’t care about your happiness. Black Mirror doesn’t care for your reality. Black Mirror doesn’t love your technology. Black Mirror, in all its dystopian future angst, is fucked up like your mind right now on that grass. Creator Charlie Brooker is a monster.

That ‘70s Show

Yes, a bunch of teenagers from the 70s (of all eras) gathering around a basement table getting stoned is pretty on-the-nose, but who cares, it fits the bill. It’s a parade of young folks in bell bottoms shootin’ the shit in Wisconsin. The gumbo stew of sex, toilet humour, and equal parts Fez and Kelso ensure that you’ll laugh your ass off and nod slowly all at once.

Anthony Bourdain The Layover (Netflix)

We’re all still dealing with the loss of Anthony Bourdain, but there’s no doubting that the man was a liberal cannabis smoker. It may not fully explain his love for food, but pot certainly didn’t hurt in that area. We all come to understand the beautiful relationship between weed and food at some point, and Anthony Bourdain introduced us to so much of it, sometimes in exotic form, and at other times in its most basic. If you don’t watch without wanting to devour something large, your pot is trash. Also, can Netflix Canada please add Parts Unknown like they have in the USA?

Archer

A super exaggerated take on secret agent happenings. Sterling Archer is this cranky privileged momma’s boy with a supremely punchable face, but he’s really good at the killing folks part. Even without all the comedy, drugs, sex, and acting, the animation holds even with its jerky and slightly off-kilter style. Occasionally, it’ll throw in a meta reference at you now and again, which’ll trigger the deep-thinking inner self in all of us.

Altered Carbon

Sure, I didn’t like Altered Carbon, so let’s get that out of the way. But I can still admit that it’s really colourful though. It’s got all that goo and murk shit that defines the cyberpunk genre in spades. And for the folks that can appreciate “naked” during their high, Joel Kinnaman obviously works out; firm backside, six pack and all good stuff. By the time you realize what the hell is going on in this convoluted sci-fi story, you’ll be fascinated that you made it through this colourful shitshow.

Blue Planet

Same deal as Planet Earth II, only underwater with the three-o of Pierce Brosnan, David Attenborough and Jason Roberts speaking sweet sciency nothings in your ear.

WormWood

Famed documentary film-maker takes on the death of a scientist and CIA employee Frank Olson (Peter Sarsgaard) from 1953 in this docudrama series. Some people apparently believe Frank’s death wasn’t a suicide byway of a death jump, but instead believe that he was secretly drugged (LSD) and killed by the CIA. Conspiracy theories, trippy images, LSD and the government; perfect combinations.

Mr. Nobody

One of those ideal “what the fuck did I watch?” films. Of course it stars Jared Leto whose whole vibe screams “what the fuck are you?” anyway. And that title, Mr. Nobody, trying to be all deep and stuff. In this one, Leto is having some self-reflection about how things could have turned out with his different decisions in life. Then it rocks up a notch into some existential, ridiculous time continuum shit. I don’t have to be stoned to feel off my rocker after Jaco van Dormael’s 2009 drama fantasy.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

The effects of weed can often act like an escape—like all great vices—and Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind operates under that same premise. The movie stars Jim Carrey in a serious role (which was a trip of itself back in 2004) about a couple that try to forget each other after a terrible breakup. Girlfriend Kate Winslet has her memories erased of poor Jim, and Jim finds it more difficult to go through the same procedure. If you’re one of those teary smokers who enjoys the analytical look into the misery of love, then go nuts.

Enter the Void

So this one by Gaspar Noé is a bit of a downer. From the drug dealing viewpoint of life after death, it follows the happenings of Oscar (Nathaniel Brown) who lives in Tokyo with his prostitute sister Linda. After he’s killed by some police during a bad bust, he ventures into the past witnessing his own autopsy, his parents before their death, and the future. This is another colourful option that infuses scenes with organic practicals and bouncy dyes. You’ll feel like you’re in a hallucination within a hallucination.

Waking Life

Talk about cerebral. Plot wise, Richard Linklater’s Waking Life is another hallucination sequence of a movie about a man (Wiley Wiggins) who shuffles through various dreams meeting folks who may or may not understand the purposes of the universe. Despite the painted over style that’s stimulating just on its own, you still come away thinking about freedom, absolutism, and the perceptions of life.

Half Baked

An absolute, on-the-nose certified classic. Dave Chappelle and his stoner buds (Guillermo Diaz, Jim Breuer) diesel pump their way to getting their homie (Harland Williams) out of jail. It’s dumb, ridiculous, and Chappelle plays a dude named Sir Smoke-A-Lot too…good times.

Dazed and Confused

“The older you get, the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’, man. L-i-v-i-n.” This is an actual quote by a young Matthew McConaughey—the same Matthew who seems to have had this permanent goofy high pasted on his face since birth. Director Richard Linklater understood the value 1970s period when you’d just argue about sex and aliens while blazing it up to some Aerosmith.

The Fifth Element

A half naked woman and an aged Bruce Willis running around a high-concept world, chock full of CGI sets, effects, and air hostess sex. The plot? Bruce follows the half naked Leelo (Milla Jovovich) across the galaxy to find the mystical stones that’ll save the world from destruction. Along the way they come across Chris Tucker who is an apparent intergalactic sex symbol and we get to see Bruce Willis cry when a blue alien performs an opera number. Good stuff.

The Matrix

Remember when sketchy glasses wearing guy Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) is explaining what the hell the Matrix is. And like, Neo (Keanu Reeves) shakes his head and tells him to get him the fuck outta the system? And he throws up at the thought that he’s been sleeping that whole time in a computer? When I entertained the thought in 1999, I kinda threw up a little too. Then there’s all that slow-mo kung-fu shit, and at the end, Keanu jumps into Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) and he cracks and glows and all that shit, and Neo makes him explode and he’s just standing there looking all pimp. It’s so dumb.

The Truman Show

You’re either happy, sad, introspective, or paranoid while high, and I’m the latter. This entire movie directed by Peter Weir is about a guy (Jim Carrey) who suspects he’s being watched, as if he were the subject of someone else’s entertainment. While I wouldn’t recommend you watch this if you’re anything like me, you’ll at the very least feel like you aren’t alone in feeling like this all the damn time.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

It’s a good argument to say that this Tim Burton 2009 remake of Willy Wonka & and the Chocolate Factory is trash in comparison to the original, but still, it has that stoner spirit: singing Oompa-Loompas (orange little people), eccentric owners (Johnny Depp) of a chocolate factory, and squirrels.

Arrival

You won’t find any obvious stoner themes here, just a lot of sci-fi filmic shit with a twist that’ll assist the mind in its journey to being meditative. Forget that hostile invasion shit, this one’s about the intricacies of the first contact. How would worlds react if a spaceship were really to land without the ability to communicate? How the hell would we communicate with them? And what if the person responsible for figuring this all out could see into the future or something?….

Moon

Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell) has this really unsettling job on the moon and he’s alone with a computer named GERTY, for a really long time. Duncan Jones’ directorial debut is will fuck you up in that inherently sad, but incredibly introspective sort of way.

Doctor Strange

The kaleidoscope lookin' colours! Also there’s a superhero story directed by Scott Derrickson here about some Doctor who gets magical powers and all that here. But man, this is a nice movie to look at.

Pineapple Express

More blunt brainless subject matter about dudes smoking blunts. Saul Silver (James Franco) is your stereotypical weed dealer who becomes friends with a reluctant Dale (Seth Rogen). They end up witnessing a murder and because they’re supposed to be stoners, they blow up their spot and leave a super rare strain of cannabis known as Pineapple Express at the scene of the crime. This movie also has ninjas. (Also Craig Robinson, Danny McBride, and Rosie Perez.)

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Neil Patrick Harris plays an Ecstasy-mad heterosexual, and that’s all you need to know. But ALSO, there’s a story about this romp of a road trip starring two men (John Cho and Kal Penn) in their quest to find the right burger. It remains a stoner classic for reasons beyond Neil Patrick Harris, I assure you. You should watch it.

Eastbound and Down

Forget the setting or cast (Will Ferrell and Ashley Schaeffer are definitions of iconic though), watch it for Kenny Powers. The dirtbag, asshole of a dude that’ll make you cry laughing because thank god, he isn’t a dick to you.

The Sopranos

“You’re not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. The guy was an interior decorator.”—Paulie. I held in a laugh as I wrote that. The Sopranos ends up on this list for this very episode ("Pine Barrens," season three, episode 11). Two New Jersey mobsters, Christopher Moltisanti (Michael Imperioli) and a more elderly Paulie (Tony Sirico), find themselves lost and cold while trying to find a guy named Valery, a member of the Russian mob, in a forest. It’s the journey of seeing these two hard nosed sociopaths turn into sniffling children that gets me in a Three Stooges sort of way.

Broad City

A TV show about two stoner chicks living it up in New York. Both Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer play exaggerated versions of themselves here, and they even have an episode called "Pu$$y Weed" about, you guessed it…hiding weed.

Twin Peaks

Probably one of the more obvious picks on this list as it includes all the basic topics of stoner ingredients: hilarity, paranoia, illusion, introspection, and some other trippy shit. Between the FBI Agent, dead girl, angry ghost and little people doing backward dances thing, I still don’t really get it.

Follow Noel Ransome on Twitter.

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