Comey Uses Social Media Like a Sad MySpace Teen, and I Hate It

James Comey, what is there to say about such a complicated man? He is astoundingly tall, just four inches shy of seven feet. He is not a basketball player, however, but rather one of the world's biggest cops. He was once in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, which is called the "FBI" to those in the know. His investigation into Hillary Clinton's emails might have helped secure Donald Trump's 2016 victory. He likes to hide in the curtains. He joined Le Résistance, for better or for worse, when Trump unceremoniously fired him earlier this year, and everyone got upset. Now he's writing a memoir.

Oh, and his social media presence is absolute bullshit.

After Comey revealed that he had secret Instagram and Twitter accounts in March, journalist Ashley Feinberg went to extreme lengths to find them. Since being outed as a social media user, Comey has leaned into the whole thing in a very bad way. Much like an emo MySpace enthusiast circa 2007, or an angsty teen in the mid aughts obsessed with his AIM away message, Comey's social presence consists of cryptic quotes that pop up in response to major news events.

After Trump held a Florida rally where he endorsed alleged child sexual predator Roy Moore in the Alabama Senate race, Comey tweeted the following:

And Wednesday morning, after Democrat Doug Jones defeated Moore, Comey shared another deep-ass quote from some history guy you've probably never heard of:

Perhaps most egregiously, when news of former national security adviser Michael Flynn's guilty plea broke, Comey posted multiple Instagrams vaguely alluding to the events of the day. The first, a beautiful picture of a mountain stream, was captioned, "'But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream' Amos 5:24." The next day, he followed up with a sunset picture captioned, "Beautiful Long Island Sound from Westport, CT. To paraphrase the Buddha —Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun; the moon; and the truth."

C'mon, buddy!

This is no way to live. This is the equivalent of posting a Facebook status that says, "so depressed…. don't wanna talk about it, don't msg me." The whole point of social media, but especially Twitter, is to speak your mind, even when it's to your own detriment. The cryptic quotes aren't merely tacky, but also cowardly. If you want to express your opinions on social media, either do it or don't do it.

It's like how Florida Republican and notable water drinker Marco Rubio posts a salty Bible verse every time Trump is a giant dumbass. Sure, it's a cute sentiment to tweet, "Do not be friendly with hotheads, nor associate with the wrathful. Proverbs 22:24" but it's so disgustingly disingenuous when it's coming from someone who (begrudgingly) backed Trump in 2016. If you can't be a big boy and tell the president to cool it, I don't want to hear your deep-ass Bible quote.

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