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Hey Internet, Stop Trying to Make the 'Pussy Lips Challenge' Happen

If you thought the Ice Bucket Challenge was too clever—and too useful—then you are going to love the Pussy Lips Challenge.

by Dave Schilling
Aug 15 2014, 5:30pm

Photo via Facebook

I wanted to believe in the Pussy Lips Challenge.

I wanted to believe so much. You might think it's crass, idiotic, and a bad parody of the Ice Bucket Challenge. You'd be right, and yet, when was the last time a woman was allowed to feel of sense a pride about the size of her pussy lips? Why not the Pussy Lips Challenge? Obviously, there are a million reasons why not, most of them related to good taste, and preventing the collective lizard brain of the internet from completely annihilating our sense of good taste.

Which might be why, as quickly as the Pussy Lips Challenge appeared, it vanished into the oblivion of the online scrap heap.

For those who are not privy to such things, on August 11th, the profile of someone named Khari Baldwin (one of those Facebook pages that ejaculates boner memes and photos of expensive shoes every 20 minutes) posted the above photos of two ladies showing off their ice cream sandwiches to inaugurate the Pussy Lips Challenge.

Four days later, the post was deleted. Was the Pussy Lips Challenge over? Did we crown a champion? I was determined to find out.

The Challenge arrived like a bolt of lighting. No rules were given. No explanations were offered. Just a bunch of fire emojis and a call to #DoTheChallenge. The image blew up on social media, spreading across Instagram and Twitter like wildfire emojis. The mystery inspired such classic tweets as, "damn that monkey fat," "Bruh this is real==> #PussyLipsChallenge," and "Fuck the other challenges this the real #Challenge.. this the #NewChallenge.. the #PussyLipsChallenge." 

Looking further into the origins of the challenge, what I found shocked me. The whole thing was completely fake. Neither of the girls were actual participants in the Challenge. The blonde on the left appears to be a Czech porn star named Nella, while the girl on the right is just someone who's main claim to fame seems to be appearing on WorldStarHipHop a lot. The Challenge that inspired a nation was just a joke. I tried to get in touch with Khari Baldwin, the originator of the challenge, but he's disabled messages on Facebook, likely due to how incredibly popular he is.

Even if it was a hoax, 20,000 people shared his post on their Facebook timelines. Presumably men who hoped the Challenge might take off in the same way as other online challenges. Can you believe it? Finally, someone created a challenge to see who has the heaviest vagina! 

Befitting the fact that this is fake, no one is doing the Challenge, save for one very notable exception:

@Super_Soaker69—better known as Official_Fat_Pussy™—has claimed the throne (#ClaimTheThrone) of the Pussy Lips Challenge Champion purely by default. She watermarks all photos of her fat pussy to thwart dastardly identity thieves who want to pass her pussy off as their own, which is a fantastic way to brand her labia, but still raises one very specific question:

Why is her pussy official?

All we can know for sure is that her Twitter profile bio lists her location as "on your dick" and contains a link to her Amazon Wish List registry. On that list, you can buy Official_Fat_Pussy™ workout gear, a pair of wireless headphones, and some pink Uggs (kids' size). My guess is the spandex workout pants are for cultivating a fatter cameltoe, the pink Uggs are for her child, and the headphones... well, those are for listening to music, of course.

I realize now that I might have inadvertently helped to further the cause of the Pussy Lips Challenge, and also give Official_Fat_Pussy™ way more Twitter followers (and possibly helped her get a pair of pink Uggs for her daughter). The more people who know about the existence of the Pussy Lips Challenge increases the possibility that it will actually catch on in the mainstream, and women will commence posting photos of their vaginas all over the internet. I suppose I, too, have been duped by the siren song of the prospect of women competing to see who has the superior genitals. 

I think all we can do is try to retroactively slap a good cause onto this meme, in the hopes that we can collectively raise a bunch of money. That's why people were so into the Ice Bucket Challenge, right? Might I suggest a college tuition charity?

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