It's obvious now that you have all the beautifully Photoshopped facts in front of you, isn't it?
Have you ever played that road-trip friendly game where you try and decide which actor would play a famous person in their hypothetical Hollywood biopic? For example, if some wacky producer were to make a movie about Amy Winehouse’s tortured life—who would you play the late soul singer? My first choice would be Lady Gaga: her nose is crooked, she sorta has a good voice, and her outrageous personality could potentially match up with Amy’s. But, what if we were to take this incredibly fun challenge to the next level by pretending that Amy and Gaga are actually the same person, IRL. Are you still with me?
Well, according to my new favourite website, WellAware1, this kind of bodysnatching celebrity insanity is only the tip of the iceberg, or the beginning of the rabbithole, depending on which conspiratorial metaphor you prefer. WellAware1 exposes one the most unbelievable conspiracy theories I’ve ever heard—and if you follow my writing, you probably already know how much time I spend talking about shadow governments and alien cover-ups.
The main premise of WellAware1 is that the “real” people you see interviewed in news stories—whether they’re small town mall employees who got robbed at gunpoint or famous musicians and politicians—are not who they say they are. They’re all actors who have been hired by our governments to manipulate our perception of reality, and push forward some sort of actor-driven totalitarian agenda.
I know what you’re thinking: totally insane, right? Well, don’t shrug the theory off so quickly. First off, WellAware1 is not your average black-background-red-font conspiracy theory website, even though that’s exactly what it looks like. What sets WellAware1 apart from other conspiracy website, is the sheer amount of content and “proof” that its webmaster has assembled. Since 2011, WellAware1’s creator Ed Chiarini a.k.a. DallasGoldBug, has been publishing articles about how the world’s major news events are actually just dramatic, fictional productions on his website. He argues his case with videos, audio samples, and Photoshopped images uncovering hundreds of scenarios where everyone you think you know is actually someone else who you also know. You know?
If, like me, you want to spend a few days poring over his endless research and Photoshopped “evidence,” you might stop to think about the amount of dubious data he’s collected that hasn’t yet made it onto the website—over 6,000 records, including audio, high-res pics and videos—that he is trying to crowdfund his way into releasing. His GoFundMe page even includes a completely absurd video that tries to prove Columbine was staged, in part, with inanimate human dummies.
Somehow, he’s raised $2,600 out of his $5,000 goal, presumably from “Well Aware Ones,” to leak his treasure trove of information that, he insists, will support his wild claims and prove the world’s news stories are all just elaborate fictions. The financial support from God knows who is almost enough to make you think, hey, maybe he’s onto something here! But before you get too carried away, check out these examples of exactly what WellAware1 believes.
Rejoice! Not only is Tupac alive, he’s also Dave Chappelle! I knew Dave was a master of disguise when the The Artist Formerly Known as Prince himself put Dave on his new album cover, but to discover that he was also Tupac all this time is a whole other level of cultural manipulation that I was not mentally prepared to discover.
As Ed, the owner of WellAware1, says: “the ear does not lie.” Any loyal WellAware1 reader knows, ear biometrics is a safe way to confirm a person’s identity and we have the proof here. Dave and Pac’s ears are the exactly the same, “right down to the piercing”.
If you have any appreciation for Steve Carell’s wide range of characters, like a lovably dumb paper company manager or a lovably dumb television news anchor, you already know that he’s one hell of an actor. But did you know he is
Alice Cooper and Boy George? Fascinating.
Yes. In case you weren’t aware, everyone’s favourite anti-apartheid revolutionary is in fact highly celebrated actor Morgan Freeman’s father. “Like father like son,” the saying goes. Again, check how BOTH of their ears have curvy bits on the inside and are used for hearing! Coincidence? Fuck no!
This one is just plain offensive.
This kinda stuff goes on and on and on...
I recently tried getting in touch with Ed to give him a chance to talk about the specifics of his theory. I also wanted to know more about disguise techniques, and how someone like Steve Carell can be both Alice Cooper and Boy George. The response, shown below, was not exactly what I had expected (he also discussed my apparently nefarious interview request in one of his many, long video blogs).
According to a notice on WellAware1’s homepage, Ed recently had to delete his Facebook profile, “due to the number of death threats” he was receiving. That might explain his reticence to speak with me. But this could have been Ed’s chance to refute all of the moronic haters out there who claim he is pushing for a New World Order-type agenda—and instead he accused me of being part of the problem. Oh well.
Ed is a mystery, and as much as I want to stop, I just can’t help but keep reading about his twisted theories on current events. Even if you think he’s nuts and doesn’t deserve any attention whatsoever (too late, you read this article), you have to admit that what he’s accomplished is pretty impressive, in that completely insane kind of way. I can’t even process the number of conclusions he draws between the celebrity system and their supposed role in manipulating world news. Who has the time? What is it like to live in a world where Chevy Chase is Jim Morrison and John Candy never really died? We might never know.
Ed, here’s your chance to set the record straight. Tweet at Steph: @smvoyer
More on wacky conspiracy theories: