The World’s Saddest Christian Pop Star
Do you keep up with the latest scandals from Singapore? Of course you don’t. So let’s fill you in: right now, every Singaporean is freaking out over a slutty Christian chick named Sun Ho. Apparently, Ho started a church so that she could steal $18 million of its funds…to launch a (failed) career as an American pop star.
Somehow, Ho (God must’ve chuckled over that last name) founded a church with her husband a couple years ago called City Harvest, and it quickly became one of Singapore’s richest. Giving herself the title of “music minister,” Ho then funneled the funds people thought they were donating to, like, emaciated kids in Africa or whatever to start her “Crossover Project.”
She claimed the project was meant to “connect with non-Christians.” What it really meant: she got to buy her way into Jamaican-style music videos featuring—of all people—Wyclef Jean, have her songs produced by David Foster (who also worked with Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston), and rent a mansion in L.A to do cocaine off crucifixes or something.
Let’s take a little tour of Mrs. Ho’s stunning musical career.
China Wine feat. Wyclef Jean
Ho announces “Asian invasion!” then proceeds to gyrate with Wyclef Jean while dressed in a ripped kimono in a hopping club that’s definitely not in Singapore. How I know this: there are literally no black people in that country. (For real, one time a friend’s mom back home asked me to "describe what they’re like.") I guess China Wine is supposed to be some sort of pun involving Jesus’ blood (often symbolized by wine) and dancing the dutty wine? Whatever. The best part of the video is the last 20 seconds, where Ho grabs Wyclef Jean by his suit’s lapels, and screams at him in Mandarin for hanging out with other bitches instead of going home. To her.
"Isn’t It Amazing" feat. Olivia Newton-John
I have no idea how much Ho bribed Olivia Newton John to let her be the first few slides in this beyond-sad, Powerpoint-generated music video. But apparently, Olivia’s career isn’t doing so well either. This one comes from the album A Celebration In Song: Olivia Newton-John And Friends, which includes other Newton-John BFFs like Keith Urban and Sir Cliff Richard.
You can pretty much smell the money steaming off this thing. Basically this video is like if Baz Luhrman and Lady Gaga’s costume designer got together with the gays from last week’s Pride parade. And decided to stick a random Asian lady in the middle of it. Ho cavorts around a lavish, cinematic carnival ground while stuffed into bondage-y studded leather gear. (Insert your own 50 Shades of Grey joke here. I’m not fucking doing it.)
ANYWAY, this whole hoopla is still going on; Sun Ho’s husband just got arrested, along with four other people from the church’s management board (since when do churches even have board members?). And even the Prime Minister of Singapore stepped in to release a statement advising everyone to remain totally stony-faced about the situation, saying, “We should let the law take its course and avoid speculation…that may unnecessarily stir up emotions.” Sorry, dude. They’re all already pretty riled up about this…and even I’m confused about why Ho isn’t behind bars. Xiaxue, a famous Singaporean blogger, ventured a guess; maybe, she tweeted, “[looking] like horse is not a crime.”
Through all this, Sun Ho still claims to love Jesus. Here’s one final video of her singing the Lord’s praise at a…concert?...in front of a Christian congregation in Singapore. They must’ve still had some dough left in their coffers, because that is one insanely pimped out church.