So, just a heads up: Corey Feldman makes music. If you didn't know this already, where the hell have you been? Actually, scratch that, probably the only person who knows that Corey's been making records since 1994, under the name Corey Feldman's Truth Movement, is Kim, Noisey's Style Editor, who still holds a torch for Feldman thanks to the soft nostalgic part of her heart where The Goonies, Stand By Me, and The Lost Boys remain 24 carat gold classics and Feldman actually looks cute and not like a weird dude troll in drag.
Corey's Truth Movement last released an album in 2002. It was called Former Child Actor (what else?) and it was awful, btw, obviously, as if you couldn't guess. Kim interviewed Corey for its release and he spent a good portion of an hour talking about his old buddy Michael Jackson. Former Child Actor features a song called "Megalo Man" which, according to Corey, is about how on 9/11 MJ had a car leaving NYC and for some reason he wouldn't let Feldman on said escape vehicle. The lyrics run so: "I believed in your words/I believed in your lies/But in September in New York/You left me to die."
Yeah. Subtlety has never been his strong point, yet we continue to be fascinated by him. Like that time VICE's Jamie Lee Curtis Taete went to Feldman's birthday party, which of course sent the extremely defensive Feldman into a tailspin of psychotic tweets. #Interested.
Anyhoo, Feldman released a new music video this week called "DUH!" Self-described "sexy and funny spoof," it's supposed to get us excited for his upcoming album "Angelic 2 the Core." Let's take a moment of silence for those titles. And (spoiler alert) it's the worst. I want to give Corey the benefit of the doubt and say that comedy just isn't his thing, but after watching it a dozen times while my brows froze in a permanent furrow, I ended up feeling like I survived something.
Maybe I just don't get it. I'd really like to hear someone explain this, but since I don't know any Corey fans IRL—apart from Kim and she was zero in the way of answers—this is the next best thing.
WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS ACRONYM? IS "DUH" COPYRIGHTED?
HOW MUCH WERE THESE GIRLS PAID?
ARE THOSE LEGGINGS FROM RAINBOW?
WHO DECORATED THIS ROOM?
ARE YOU SURE? DO YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE?
DO COREY AND CHARLIE SHEEN SHARE THE SAME DEALER?
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS THEME?
Sidenote: Feldman's MJ obsession is extremely deep-seated.
DO YOU THINK WE DON'T ALREADY KNOW?
DOES COREY MOONLIGHT AS A RECYCLED BOTTLE COLLECTOR? DOES HE GO HOODIE SHOPPING SYLVESTER STALLONE?
DID YOU REALLY NEED TO ZOOM THIS CLOSE? HOW LONG TIL COREY GETS OUT OF MY NIGHTMARES?
WHY IS THIS MAKING ME LEGITIMATELY SAD?
DOESN'T EVERY GIRL NEED A PAIR OF DATE NIGHT UGGS? WHO DOESN'T LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS?
ARE THESE COMMENTS SPONSORED? #BESTO
Hey Corey fans! Answer Amalia's questions via the comments section below. Or harrass her on Twitter - @graztifarian