Everything rock I learned, I learned from L7. Whether it was bass riffs or baby powder in my dead head hair or layering mens clothing until I was warm enough to sleep in the van without blankets—it was all L7. My drummer and I often get drunk and watch L7 videos (and Girl School, but that’s another article) and shake our heads repeating, “There will never, ever be another band as cool as L7.” The LA band were hilarious and bad ass and witty and they played catchy, hard music. They were like if all the girls in Fright Wig fucked Danzig and had four daughters and those four daughters formed the best band ever.
In this video, “Andres” (which was directed by Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon), Donita, Jennifer, Dee and Suzie apologize to a mystery man down in North Hollywood who they had some “problems” with, all the while teaching us how to be women in Los Angeles and live and hang with true style.
ACCESSORIZE WITH UNCONVENTIONAL ITEMS LIKE ICE CREAM & POODLES
Look, some days you wake up and you look at your closet and you’re all, “No, none of this! None of this is right!” So why not accessorize with food and domesticated animals instead of jewels and hats? I mean, both things are always around and who doesn’t like ice cream and puppies? (Answer: no one.) Now, normally accessorizing with such conventionally cute items could end up making you feel ultra-girly and that’s great if you are in the mood for ultra-girl, but sometimes, we just aren’t into highlighting our femininity. Help tone down the softness of vanilla ice cream cones and white poodles with black leather dusters, cat-eye shades and a big, fat chip on your shoulder.
ALWAYS POSE NEXT TO PLASTIC
Nothing makes a woman look more real than when she is standing next to a freaking mannequin. If you are having one of those days where you want to stand out of the crowd, don’t hang in a crowd of people. Do what Donita does: pose in front of plastic heads! You will look insanely, beautifully real.
CLOGS AND SOCKS
I own a pair of clogs. I got them at this mall in Jersey years ago and everyone thinks they are ugly. Even my boyfriend tries to throw them away when I am not looking. Fuck him. You know what look rules the hardest? Clogs and socks. You know how I know it rules the hardest? Donita Sparks is wearing clogs and socks while playing her Flying V out a mini-amp in this video. Sock and sandals is for clown town fools, but clogs and socks is next level shit that not only looks awkward but feels amazing. I think Lesley Arfin once rallied for clogs and sock on her blog. Maybe she looked to Donita?
NEVER FOLLOW THE RULES, ESPECIALLY WITH WIGS
The best part about L7 was that they never stopped breaking the rules and goofing around. They were unstoppably cool because they did not give a shit about being cool. What came first? The chicken or her badittude? I mean… Anyways, when it comes to fashion, L7 want you to know that following “The Rules” with accessories, make-up, and clothing is just lame. Even when it comes to wigs, they want you to experiment. Whatever feels good! You ain’t one of those walking coat racks, honey. You are a person and that wig is your bitch. Get down.
BEGGING A MAN FOR ANYTHING LOOKS BAD ON EVERY WOMAN
It’s okay to apologize when you've done something wrong (after all, this entire song is one three-minute long apology to some guy in North Hollywood named Andres) however, begging, grasping onto the leg of a man and letting him drag you as you cry looks bad on the best of us. Even Donita Sparks, The Queen of Cool, can’t pull it off. Donita pulled out her tampon at Reading Festival and threw it into the crowd. She also whipped down her pants on Top of the Pops and mooned everyone while still playing her Flying V. She does whatever she wants. A fuck is something she does not give, so to see her beg is a lesson from L7: this just looks bad (and it will probably ruin the already perfect holes in your jeans.)
DON’T TAKE YOUR DAY JOB HOME WITH YOU, BUT NEVER FORGET YOUR MUSIC DURING YOUR DAY JOB
All punks have to work shitty day jobs because that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. A day job is something you can forget about the minute you count your tips and walk out the door. Goodbye, shit! Then, you get to go home and play music with your band and drink beer and have fun. You should never take your shitty day job home with you into fun time (because fuck your day job anyway), but you should always take your music to your day job. It’s a big, bad part of who you are and what makes you amazing. Even if that means wearing your bass around your neck as you color some lady’s hair, so be it.
You must follow Mish on Twitter. That's a goddamn order - @myszkaway.
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