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Food by VICE

Vegans Are Sharing the Most Pathetic Desserts They've Ever Been Served at Restaurants

A half-peeled orange with a candle on top. Cocoa mixed with sugar water. It's grim out there, friends.

by Jelisa Castrodale
Dec 12 2019, 3:57pm

Photo: Getty Images

Right now on Twitter, Oreo is running a promoted tweet with a short video encouraging everyone to leave one specific brand of sandwich cookie for Santa this year. It's just as cringe as it sounds, and the only reason we're not dragging Oreo all the way to the North Pole and back for the line "slide my sleigh into your DMs" is because it's the holidays.

Anyway, while Santa's being demanding AF about his cookie selection, a vegan woman just wished she'd gotten any cookie—or any kind of real dessert, period—when she celebrated her birthday at a Melting Pot restaurant.

"I went out for my birthday and I’m vegan so they gave me a single slice of banana instead of cake," the woman, who calls herself Yazmin on Twitter, posted, attaching a photo of that sad fruit piece, topped with an equally sad candle. (Obviously they couldn't give her the entire banana, not when they're going for $120,000 each.)

Someone surrounded this depressing still life with the words "Happy Birthday" written in chocolate syrup, and the way the last three letters in "Birthday" sat on each other's shoulders just made the entire thing even more disheartening.

Her tweet collected almost 200 responses, and a significant number of them were from other vegans who had been served equally ridiculous attempts at "dessert" at restaurants. "One time i went out for my bday and they gave me a cup of ice with a cherry on top," someone else responded. Another added that she'd just been given an entire cup of whipped cream—which she couldn't eat, because it was a dairy product.

So many food crimes disguised as desserts were reported: a half-peeled orange with a candle on top. A fruit salad that only included two grapes and a strawberry. Cocoa mixed with sugar water. "I got a single strawberry, and I'm not even vegan," another woman chimed in.

How is it, in 2019, the Year of Our Lizzo and Savior, that restaurants don't have some kind of go-to vegan dessert on hand to pass out to guests who are celebrating something, whether it's a birthday, an anniversary, or just the fact that they officially gave their last fuck earlier in the afternoon. (And if you're thinking of treating vegans the same way you'd treat Santa, Oreo says that although its products are vegetarian-friendly, the cookies might have come into cross-contact with milk, so it doesn't consider them to be officially vegan.)

But a vegan artist named Asher might have the right idea. "Went to Olive Garden on my birthday and they just gave me more breadsticks," he tweeted.

Yeah, that sounds good. Let's go with that.

This article originally appeared on VICE US.

Tagged:
Birthday
fruit
vegans
bananas
Restaurants
vegan food