News

Walmart Pulls Sweater of Santa About to Rip Lines of Cocaine

The sweater, which has since been pulled by the store, featured Santa in front of three lines of, er, ‘snow.’
December 9, 2019, 4:58pm
An “ugly Christmas sweater” featuring Santa ready to go whole hog on some rails of coke has been pulled from Walmart Canada’s online store.
Screenshot from the cached Walmart Canada page selling the sweater.

An “ugly Christmas sweater” featuring Santa ready to go whole hog on some rails of coke has been pulled from Walmart Canada’s online store.

Christmas is ruined, folks. Now how are you to broadcast your love for both jolly ol’ Saint Nick and the destruction of your septum with some Colombian good stuff?

The ruination of Christmas started, of course, on social media where a few eagle-eyed shoppers noticed the sweater and brought it to the public's attention. It soon began to gain traction with people spreading it and praising both it and its ad copy, which states “there is no way this feat [delivering presents across the world] is possible without some...performance enhancing...help.”

In a statement emailed to VICE, Walmart Canada apologized for any “any unintended offence this may have caused.”

“These sweaters, sold by a third-party seller on Walmart.ca, do not represent Walmart’s values and have no place on our website,” said the retail superpower. “We have removed these products from our marketplace.”

According to one screenshot the sweaters sold for an absurd CA$55.

You can still access a cached version of the page. The description of the sweater, sold under the name “Men's Let it Snow Ugly Christmas Sweater," says it “captures that moment” when Santa is about to “enjoy that sweet, imported snow.”

“We all know how snow works. It's white, powdery and the best snow comes straight from South America. That's bad news for jolly old St. Nick, who lives far away in the North Pole,” reads the description. “That's why Santa really likes to take savor the moment when he gets his hands on some quality, grade A, Colombian snow. He packs it in perfect lines on his coffee table and then takes a big whiff to smell the high quality aroma of the snow.”

Subtle.

As Global News found, these weren’t the only, uh, off-brand sweaters that were being sold. There were some of Santa, pantless, thrusting his crotch into a firepit—GET IT?!!? HIS CHESTNUTS, THEY’RE ROASTING OVER AN OPEN FIRE!—and some of an upside-down snowman where the carrot nose and Christmas ornaments look a lot like some good ol’ yuletide cock and balls. Sadly, these have all since been pulled.

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Screenshot of Amazons ad for “FunComInc Snowman Upside Down with Balls Men's Ugly Christmas Sweater.”

Never fear, lover of hamfisted/inappropriate Christmas sweaters, you can find most of them elsewhere.

The company that made the sweaters, FUN Wear, has also pulled the sweaters from its shelves. On the cached page for the clothing, you can see they ran somewhere between US$10 and US$20.

“We know the dude [Santa], personally, and he’d actually be the first person to tell you that nothing energizes him for an all nighter like snow! He absolutely loves the way it makes him feel,” reads the copy. “He admires it for hours and, well, you all know how snow works, right?”

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter.