Someone Please Help Quavo Add a Verse to "The Star-Spangled Banner"

"And the rockets' red glare (glare!) / the bombs bursting in air (KABOOM!)"
August 15, 2017, 6:08pm
Artwork by the author

I'll refrain from speaking too much on America's current situation because I'm Canadian and this year has proven a lot of my countrypeople to be smug, elitist motherfuckers via those awful "meanwhile in Canada" memes. That being said, one can objectively say a lot of nonsense is befalling the US, most of it terrible. Given this climate, wouldn't it make the most sense to completely revamp the country's famed and incredibly difficult to sing national anthem so that it reflects the real music of America a.k.a. hip-hop? For example, Quavo, the eldest Migo, would do a great version. It would likely sound something like this:

Brings tears to your eyes. The great thing about this world of ours is that the line between fiction and reality can be easily broken thanks to the internet. One Migos fan, Kentucky resident Sean Gray, has started a petition addressed to the entire US government to have America "get with the times" and actually put a Quavo verse on "The Star-Spangled Banner." This... seems like a solid cause, and the man himself has thrown his support behind it.

The petition currently needs about 700 signatures. That isn't a lot. You can do this, America. Make the Quavolution happen.

Phil is a Noisey staff writer. He's on Twitter.