Hurting yourself sucks. And it sucks all the more when you do it in a freakish or insanely stupid way. Literal insult added to the injury. We asked friends and co-workers about the nuttiest way they’ve hurt themselves. Here’s what they said. Get ready to cringe. (Damn, Ben.)“Tortilla chip stabbed wisdom tooth socket.” - Elizabeth, 29“Drunk Donkey Kong; keg on stairs.” - Rachel, 33"Both nips pierced by sadistic piercer." - Anna, 23
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“I stabbed myself feeding my dog.” - Rebecca, 33"Drunkenly flipped over handrail in nosebleeds." - Drew, 25"Cannonballed off bench onto hard ground." - Beckett, 25“Cut penis while trimming pubic hair.” - Ben, 42“Fell from a hammock. Broke ankle.” - Rachael, 34"Punctured head with doll on Christmas." - Lia, 28"Wound healed with gauze fused inside." - Allie, 28“Concussion from hitting forehead with barbell.” - Sarah, 30“Severed tendons cutting umbrella tag off.” - Keri, 47“Drunk sledding during a blizzard.” - Michael, 35
"Rented a scooter with zero experience." - Michael, 34 (See photo above.)“Fell in the same hole twice.” - Jaime, 33"Loud headphones, got mugged, broke arm." - Peter, 23"Severed fingertip while printing school assignment." - Meredith, 26“Tore finger cartilage while grabbing TP.” - Betty, 39“Chipped my tooth juggling billiard balls.” - Oscar, 35“Glass on bedroom floor, bloody footprints.” - Liz, 29“Made iced tea naked; jar exploded.” - Ellie, 34
“Crashed bike into a parked car.” - Cole, 31“Cut my nose on toilet seat.” - Jo Anna, 33“Bruised shoulder drunk-vaulting parking meters.” - Roman, 44“Turning over in my own bed.” - Whitney, 36“Dislocated my shoulder chasing a dog.” - Erin, 34“Cut hand washing pair of scissors.” - Beth, 33“Black eye from dancing too hard.” - Kylie, 34“Fell asleep outside. Second degree burns.” - Ellie, 34“Slipped on ice imitating a penguin.” - Joel, 39
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“Cut my eyebrow while mud wrestling.” - Jen, 32“Choked on hard candy at opera.” - Pete, 35“Bruised foot at Steve Aoki concert.” - Alana, 23“Poked my throat playing a violin.” - Olivia, 34Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily.Follow Anna Goldfarb on Twitter.