A Round-Up of the Best Conspiracies on the Blue Jays Beer Can Throw

OK I'm sorry, I did not watch the baseball game on Tuesday because I am extremely whatever on sports, but damn I wish I had because that little game of stickball has unleashed the nation's greatest conspiracies and whodunnits since the great Canadian flag flap incident of '92!

For my fellow I-dont-watch-sportsers, a couple nights ago the Toronto Blue Jays played a wildcard game against the Baltimore Orioles to get a competing spot in the American League Division Series which was very exciting for lots of people because the Jays won. But that excitement was heavily sullied by a rogue and aggressive beer can toss into the field during the seventh inning. The errant can almost hit Orioles outfielder Hyun Soo Kim, who also had racist slurs screamed at him, which like, wow fuck you whoever did that. You don't have to know anything about sports to understand that hurling objects at human beings just trying to do their jobs is shitty. Like hey, I am 100 percent here for getting drunk in a dome and screaming the occasional "boo" at some guy, but there's a line and you gotta stay on the not-throwing stuff-at-people side of that line. So what kind of monster would do such a thing? As always, the internet is freaking the fuck out and doing what it does best, throwing itself headfirst into a shit ton of conspiracy theories and hunting this person down like he was the Lindbergh baby himself.

And it worked! Sort of. Between Deadspin's definitive round-up featuring collected photos and videos from the TV footage of the game and the Toronto Sun's maniacal dead-or-alive style $1,000 reward for info, a suspect has been identified. Postmedia employee Ken Pagan allegedly turned himself into Toronto Police after online sleuths determined he was the sinister fan in this widely-shared image:

Pagan is claiming this is simply a case of mistaken identity, that as evidenced in this photo below, he was drinking from a plastic cup and therefore could not possibly be the much-loathed beer thrower in question.

And that's possible, say some amateur detectives! Another widely shared image shows a crowd around Pagan gaping at an empty seat, which some claim is where the true can-hurler is ducking down in shame.

Others point to this insanely grainy video which honestly might as well be of the moon landing, which perhaps, possibly, maybe shows a blonde woman cranking up to toss her beer can into the mossy green fields of the Rogers Thunderdome or whatever we call it now.

As the uploader of this fine film, Brad Holden states, "Clearly her and her friend planned it from the black towel coming up then the lady releasing it! PLEASE FIND HER!"

So who did it y'all? Was it Ken Pagan, drunk on power and pilsner? Was it the mysterious ducker? Or could it be the blonde lady and her friend with the black towel?!?!!? Hell maybe it was an inside job and the MLB dropped it from a grassy knoll to make baseball seem somewhat exciting since lord knows nine innings of that shit is normally unwatchable at best. Our country is divided, but whatever it is, I promise you I will not sleep until this, our greatest national mystery is solved.

Follow Amil on Twitter but please do not @ her about sports.