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A Couple in Germany Tried To Name Their Baby Lucifer and 'The Man' said No

Absolute nanny state!!!

by Issy Beech
Nov 2 2017, 4:00pm

A precocious young couple have had their dreams dashed and their freedoms obliterated after trying to name their precious newborn "Lucifer", and having The Man tell them "no".

The new parents, from Kassel in Germany, had lodged all the necessary birth registry paperwork for little Lucifer—and, I imagine, sat back and dusted off their hands thinking everything was coming along just fine—when some corporate fat cat in Washington AKA the German registry office decided to ruin fucking everything.

The unnamed official refused to sign off on the name, and then immediately afterwards (I assume) pulled a wad of cash out of their pressed Italian trouser pockets and began setting notes alight and throwing them in the air, screaming (to no one in particular) "The establishment wins again ha HA!! Fuck the people!!!! I am the gatekeeper of all hopes and dreams and I quash happiness inside my fat fucking fist like a helpless bug because I CAN!!!" And so the matter was handed over to the district court. Great, more suits.

Before the court could hand down a ruling, Lil' Lucifer's parents agreed to withdraw the name—fucking fascism—and call him Lucian instead. Even though we all know those motherfrickers will be calling that little boobae Lucifer literally the second they get him home. Power to 'em.

Parents in Germany are subject to an official stamp of approval (from the iron fist of the Powers That Be in their Ivory Tower) on their selected baby name, in cases where officials (official wankers!) believe the name could expose the child to mocking and humiliation, or be offensive. Which is absolute trash isn't it because a kid called Lucifer would be—no question—the coolest kid in the actual world.

Tagged:
Germany
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BABY!
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