Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's big serious World War War II epic, gets a theatrical release this weekend. It stars a bunch of big serious actors like Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy and Mark Rylance. It also features Harry Styles making his big serious acting debut. And he almost definitely dies in it.
I have yet to see Dunkirk, but I am certain of Harry's demise. Don't believe me? Just watch the trailer:
The One Direction man is a goner. He doesn't even have any lines in trailer, which has but one closeup on his beautiful boy band face. So when exactly does he die? Based on the feeling in my bones and the lack of character development in the above two minute clip, I would wager that he is one of the first, if not the first, to die in a terrible, dramatic fashion. It's really not a question of if he dies, but of when he dies. Sure, there is not much dialogue in this movie itself, but I counter that fact by another fact: it's a fuckin' movie! A big, expensive, Oscar bait-y movie. There will be drama. There will be big, old authentic planes and boats that explode and sink into the sea along with some 6,000 extras used to make this film and some sad and tragic flourish. There will be blood and guts and big guns going boom and limbs and gore flying everywhere. This is World War II (Hollywood Edition) we're talking about here. And Harry, our dear sweet Harry doesn't stand a chance. Maybe people will cry. Maybe they won't. Either way, he'll die immediately.
Leslie Horn is Noisey's Managing Editor. Talk to her on Twitter about your Dunkirk theories.