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kyle schwarber

There Will Be No Schwarbing in the Field During This World Series

Kyle Schwarber will only be available off the bench in Wrigley Field.

by Sean Newell
Oct 28 2016, 1:34pm

David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

Sad news, friends: budding cult hero Kyle Schwarber will not be able to play in the field, and therefore will be held out of the starting lineup for Games 3, 4, and 5 in Chicago. Schwarber has literally just returned from ACL surgery after a brief stint in the Arizona Fall League to play in the World Series and he paid immediate dividends for the Cubbies. Though he's only been used as a designated hitter, Schwarbs brought so much to the offensive table that, even before Game 2 started last night, his status for the games in Wrigley was already a talking point. Alas, no longer.

Personally, I am with my dear friend Alex Rodriguez on this one: Just put Schwarber out on the left field warning track and tell him not to move, hope for a shitload of groundballs—27 strikeouts might be better—get this hoss three at bats, and then get him the hell out of there.

Schwarber tried to fight it, but the doctors said no, and the Cubs are looking out for his future. He's only 23 years old and he already is the team's all-time leader in postseason home runs thanks to his monster year last year. He's got a bright future ahead of him—what with the Cubs brass thinking of David Ortiz when they first saw him, and then seeing a lot of Dustin Pedroia in him when they finally met (puuuuuuuuuuuke)—so they are trying to be careful. On a less sickening note, also there's this:

"He's going to be the leader of this clubhouse and the leader of this team," Cubs catcher Miguel Montero said. "Because his personality, his demeanor, just the way he handles himself in the clubhouse. With all due respect to Rizzo and KB and whoever is on the team, I think he's going to be the leader of this club. Simple as that."

That's a pretty remarkable thing to say about someone with Schwarber's limited time in the Big Leagues. But between last year and his contributions out of nowhere during this World Series, it's understandable. It's just a shame he will be relegated to pinch hit duty for these next three games at home. If only there were a rule that allowed for, say, a very good hitter to hit in place of a trash hitter like, say, the pitcher.*

*Who for some reason, even though it is a rule that he has to hit, is always the worst fucking hitter on the team and barely even practices even though he pitches once every five days and, oh yeah, the double switch it's totally interesting and makes a baseball game more like a chess match because only some managers know the fucking rules to the game I guess? Give me a fucking break with these garbage-ass pitchers hitting and managers having to take an objectively great pitching performance off the board because he needs a few runs and his pitcher is due up and GUESS WHAT? HE CAN'T HIT FOR SHIT.

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