According to All These Students, University Isn't Worth It

"Sucks to be you, students!" news now, and hey, sucks to be you, students! Over two-thirds of you (students) think your degree does not offer good value for money. Your incredibly expensive degree! Yeah, that! It's really bad value for money, turns out! As investments go, you'd be better off decking it all on scratch cards! We all would!*

According to a Higher Education Policy Institute (HEPI) survey published today, satisfaction levels have fallen among undergraduates over the last four years since the introduction of £9,000 fees. Of the 15,000 students who took the survey, only 33 percent felt they were getting "good" or "very good" value for money, compared to the 52 percent who were loving life and loving their degree back in 2012. Another 35 percent felt they were getting "poor" or "very poor" value, and 32 percent didn't feel strongly either way. Satisfaction was particularly low for students from BME backgrounds.

The survey also asked students if they fancied – as the government has planned with a recent higher education bill – paying even more for the privilege of learning things. Turns out that no, no thanks, not really. While 86 percent of students said they'd oppose a price increase, 8 percent said they were for it. I'm struggling to imagine precisely who, when asked the question, "Would you like to pay more than you are currently paying for this already overpriced thing?" would answer, "Yes." But every time I close my eyes now I just see this vision of a thin yet ruddy boy wearing a striped ironed shirt and a blazer firmly shaking my hand and telling me unasked that his name is "Tristan" and that his dad is "worth oodles". That his ex was on Made in Chelsea once. That his favourite sport is rowing.

Mental health was also a focus of the survey, with high anxiety levels reported across the surveyed students – just 21 percent of students said they experienced low levels of anxiety, against the 41 percent of the general population who report the same. "The tripling of tuition fees did not just have an economic impact, it had a psychological and cultural impact on students," Brunel University union president Ali Milani told the Guardian. "We should take very seriously how the marketisation of higher education and the hike in fees has had an impact on wellbeing."

Anyway, time to repaint the stereotype of a student now: out with the rugby club hoodies and out with the boring nerd lads who try to reboot their personality entirely at Fresher's Week by wearing a fedora and drinking real ale; and out with near-offensive Pot Noodle consumption, and in instead with extremely stressed students in massive amounts of debt sobbing in the library and hoping the job market won't be irreparably flamed down to dust once they graduate from this academic prison. But also all wearing rugby club hoodies.

* Legally required editorial note: no, we would not all be better off decking it all on scratchcards.

@joelgolby

More stuff about students and how fucked they are:

Photos of What's Inside British Students' Fridges

Why UK Students Are Calling Bullshit on Universities for Not Living Up to Their Marketing Hype

George Osborne Wants to Turn Students Into Cash Cows for Rich Spivs